Saturday, 26 April 2014

Stop Being the Control Freak in your Relationship

Find out how to Stop Being the Control Freak in your Relationship.  Find out what some of the reasons might be that you seek to control. Examine how this need is more than likely sabotaging your love life. 

Stop Chasing and Start Attracting Love with Jack A Daniels plus Cocoa Brown talking Single Moms Club

Stop Chasing and Start Attracting Love with Jack A Daniels plus Cocoa Brown talking Single Moms Club

A super show with Love Expert Jack A Daniels who tells women that men place them in one of three categories: Freak, Friend or Forever! Its time to find out where you are. Plus he explains why so many single, successful and available men are Still Single.

The fabulous Hollywood actress Cocoa Brown drops by the show and is talking about life, love and the Single Moms Club.  She talks about the stigma attached to being a single mom and why women should not feel bad about themselves but face life full on.  And, find out why she had to apologize to the wife of Terry Crews, her co-star in the film Single Moms Club! A fun and inspiring chat with this queen of comedy.

Take a listen.

Music from Whitney Houston, Kim Burrell and more.....

Paul Carrick Brunson & Dr Ryeal Simms on Love & Matchmaking

Paul Carrick Brunson & Dr Ryeal Simms on Love & Matchmaking

One of my favourite shows, Dr Ryeal Simms looks at some of your relationship dilemma and singleness appears to be the topic of the day. Dr Simms reminds the ladies that they are the chooser and the guys are just trying to get the job.

Paul Carrick Brunson, world number one matchmaker tells us what the matchmaking process involved.  Did you know that it is mostly men who take on matchmakers? And find out what's the secret ingredient in the secret sauce when it comes to matchmaking?

A great show with two authorities on this topic.

Watch out for more from Dr Ryeal Simms this Monday at 4pmUK/8amPST/11amEST on available online or via Tunein app on your smartphone.  He is addressing your relationships dilemmas.  You can send in yours to me at and we will look at them on the show.  All names are changed.

Patricia Benjamin

Life Coach

Love & Relationship Coach

Radio Talk Show host

Speaker and Author


Twitter Ask_Patricia

Facebook: Ask Patricia

iTunes: Real Love Show

Monday, 21 April 2014

Did Your Mother Leave You to be Raised by Someone Else?

 A recent Real Love Show discussed the experience of those who were brought up by someone other than their parents. Many were well looked after and loved and cared for. However there were plenty who were not.

My HOT TOPICS Presenter in that show, Janet McNish, has written a post for the   Real Love Show blog and  I am delighted to share it with you all. 

On Ask Patricia radio show we talked about how the loss of a parent might cause psychological disturbance in childhood, which could affect their adulthood in the form of chaotic lifestyle and unhealthy relationships.

Peaches Gelfof tragically died on 7th April at age 25. In a prior interview by Aga Magazine (published in The Sunday Times) Peaches said;
,,,I hope when they're older they get to have a bit of the youth that I lost out on when I had them. Now I am a mum, I can correct those awful parts of my childhood and it's a really healing process. 'Before, I was not at peace with myself about it because I was just traumatized. That's why I was living a chaotic lifestyle.”

We highlighted the plight of some children left “back home” to be cared for by family. Their mothers migrated to another town or country in order to build a better future for their children. But, they were not always cared for. In fact the opposite happened which compounded the initial trauma of being separated from their mother. There might have been abuse of various types, physical, verbal, sexual, bullying, neglect or other maltreatment. All this is unbeknown to the parent overseas.

How can a person recover?   Significant recovery is possible. It is a process that includes the following:

1. Talk about some of your experience with someone who is respectful and trustworthy, such as a friend or therapist.

2. Acknowledge the damage and extent of the loss you’ve experienced. This is part of the grieving process.

3. Acknowledge the strengths and life lessons you’ve developed. Such as compassion, resourcefulness, courage…

4.  Forgiveness…
Approving or diminishing
Denying a wrongdoing
Waiting for an apology
Forgetting the wrong
Ceasing to feel the pain.
Trusting the person

Mark 11:25
English Standard Version (ESV)
And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”

1 John 1:9-10
English Standard Version (ESV)
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.

There are dozens of scriptures and wisdom quotes about forgiveness.
Lord Jesus commands us to forgive because he wants us to be free.

Max Lucado said “Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing you were the prisoner!”

We’ve touched on several deep and controversial subjects that cannot be unpacked here. I will cover some of these matters in future blogs.
I look forward to your comments.

See more like this at  

The Real Love Show at   Mondays 4.00-5.00pm GMT

Tuesday, 15 April 2014

What Do You Do When Life Gets Hard?

What do you do when life is hard?

With life being the way it is nowadays it stands to reason that someone in your circle may need encouragement. 

It could be someone very close like your wife or husband. Perhaps grown up children uncertain about their future. A close friend whose life seems to be falling apart. A relative facing illness. 

So many others are in fear of losing their jobs,  worrying about how they will survive the next month, others are discouraged during the job seeking process.  

Sometimes the person needing encouragement is you. 

I find when times are tough I gravitate to the positive people in my life. Those that are quick to offer words of hope, useful ideas to adopt, assistance and support. I know instinctively to avoid the naysayers. Some people seem to rejoice in other people's sorrows. Their conversation is never uplifting but instead they point out everything that could possibly go wrong. 

I also find that journalling, praying, reflecting over previous lessons learnt and how I made it through very effective. My spiritual focus tends to intensify and it makes me stronger despite whatever difficulty I'm facing. 

I remember about a month ago I felt the need to refocus and gain better clarity in what I was doing. So what did I do? spoke to one of my life coaches. I say one, because I have several coaches and they are  all gifted and are valuable resources in my life. So I booked two sessions and the first one literally blew me away.  It stripped things way back, let me see the wood from the trees and matters came into laser sharp focus. 

My next session was all about creating a new plan for my new goals. Now I'm on track. That is the best kind of encouragement. Clearing all the brush wood and seeing the path ahead. 

Below, find the steps I employed to get back on track. Maybe they can help you too. 

1. Ask yourself the last time you were feeling happy, motivated, on track and at peace. 

2. When did that change?  What was happening to you, around you?

3. Address the situation. Don't avoid it. Don't try to find someone to blame. Face up to facts. Get help if necessary. Don't try to do everything yourself - asking for help is important in times like this. See what it is you need to do differently. 

4. Once you have addressed the situation, go over your life plans, goals and desires. Is there anything you want to readjust, change, subtract or add? Make sure your goals are still authentic and what you really want in life. 

5. Once you have done this next examine your options. There is always more than one way to get things done. Find out the best way for you. Find what suits you best and BEGIN

6. Take on a coach to help you. Your life is worth the investment. Why not invest in yourself? 

7. Make sure your friends support who you are. If they don't, they are not really your friends. Be aware of the attitude, energy and spirit they bring into your environment

Some lessons I learned in the process are to be careful who to allow to speak into our lives. Some people have no business giving you advice or instructions but will do so anyway.  Some people will project their issues onto you. Others still will take the opportunity to push their own agenda. 

Don't lose who you really are. Who you were five years ago is not who you are now and the people who inspired you may not inspire or motivate you now. It's amazing to find that there are those that would rather you be the person they have always known you as and are uncomfortable or unsure of something different. Sometimes you just outgrow people. Be aware of your own dynamic, your strength, your own sense of self and to thine own self be true. That is the most humble thing to do at times - don't be afraid to be the way the Creator made you. 

Patricia Benjamin
Life Coach
Love & Relationship Coach
Radio Talk Show Host
Author and Speaker
Facebook: Ask Patricia
Twitter: Ask_Patricia
iTunes: Real Love Show

Saturday, 12 April 2014

Raise Your Self-Esteem


High self-esteem is often mistaken for being conceited and egoistic, which can be taken as negative traits. However, a reasonable level of self esteem can be really good for a positive and impressive self-image.

It is very essential to understand how people comprehend your self image, so to start with we will see how you think other people perceive you.

In the space provided finish off the sentence below with one or two paragraphs, be as honest as you can:

When a person sees or meets me for the first time they think.......
Next, I’d like you to finish off this sentence with another couple of paragraphs:

When a person sees or meets me for the first time I would like them to think ...............

What you have just done is to identify two critical areas.

Firstly, how you think others perceive you and secondly, how you would like others to perceive you.

Now, if the two lists are exactly the same, you are at the stage whereby you are what you want to be like and that people perceive you exactly the way that you want. You must have an extremely high level of self-esteem, which is not necessarily the case with most people.

However, if you see differences on the lists, these are the areas that you must work on in order to raise your self-esteem.

Write down below the differences that you noted and a brief statement of how you can improve upon them:

As you note down these differences you will find that in some instances you might have to make significant improvements, and in others minor. The major and minor details, all are both important.

Another useful exercise to complement the one that you have just completed is to write down all of the characteristics of the ideal person that you would like to become.

Below, write down the way he or she looks, how is their hair done, the way they dress, and present themselves, their mannerisms, their car, everything to do with that person and make sure that you do it in detail:
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              After you have completed the previous exercise, ask yourself this question:

Do you prefer his or her life to your own?

If you do, start to write down what you can do to close the gap:

This exercise will enable you to connect with your desires and aspirations and at the same time give you a realistic picture of your endeavors.

It will ensure your development and growth as a person and will make sure that you can sustain your focus, and that if you do lose track get you right back on the correct path.

Besides what you have put in the list above, we want you to consider some other common areas for personal development and whether they apply to you or not.

These might be very generic areas, but they sure will get you in their own subtle ways.

Talking about the feel good factor, it  is a very essential feeling to have to get you through the day.

To enhance this factor, I  suggest that you take every area of your appearance and analyze it.

An image consultancy book might seem too generic, but they sure have some really good tips and can help you figure things like the types and shades of clothing that complement your face and coloring, the ways you can style your hair to enhance your facial features, the kind of glasses and shades that would suits your face, etc.

Image consultancy books come in really handy as they can actually guide you to feel and look your best with all sorts of style, grooming and wardrobe tips.

You could even go one step further and have an actual image consultation.

Another area that can enhance your self-esteem is your possessions.

Start by making a list, of the possessions that you would like to have and categorize it into the following three groups:

1. Those items that you could go out and purchase immediately.
   E.g. a tie, cufflinks, shirt, etc.

2. Those items that would take a little saving up to get.
   E.g. A suit, a CD system, computer, etc.

3. Those items that are for long-term savings projections
   E.g. A car, house, luxury holiday, etc.

Now, set out medium and long term saving plans in order to acquire the items you have jotted down in 2 and 3 above, and along the way make sure you treat yourself to at least about 2 items per month included in 1.

The smaller possessions will make you feel good and when a larger possession is attained you will feel even better!

By now you should have a good idea of what you would have to look like, own and possess in order for you to feel good about your exterior image to the world.

You might think you are perfect in all aspects, but remember there’s always room for improvement.

Fall in love with yourself and pamper yourself silly, because you will be treated by the world the same way that you treat yourself.

To make a positive impact on others, it is important to have a love affair with yourself. If you feel good about yourself, it is apparent to everyone that you meet.

If you feel bad about your shape, physique, clothes, grooming, manner or appearance, it will be much harder for you to remain confident and assured in social situations.

Someone once said:

“If you treat your friends like you treated yourself, would you have any?”

You are your own best friend, because wherever you go, your best friend will be going with you too. And, like with best friends, you should give them the best.

The way we treat ourselves has a direct impact on how others will treat us.

You will be treated back the way you treat your friends. So, it is at your discretion and it is up to you to adapt an approach and actually train your friends as to how they treat you.


Are you happy with the way that you dress?

If not then buy clothes that will make you feel good.

Make other people compliment you on your appearance; it will make you feel good.

Are the contents of your car, garage or house a mess?

If so tidy it up.

If your car is full of papers, cans, grit and the like, what do you think this says about your style?

Are you happy with your weight?

If so, then fine.

If not, then go on an exercise and healthy eating plan.



The level of your self-esteem can either open new doors and opportunities for you or could bail yourself with a lot of unwanted baggage!

When it comes to those crucial moments in life, when you face a perform or perish kind of situation - that 20 minute promotion presentation or that 10 minute chat to the M.D, you should be at your best, and feel at your best so that you can perform at your best, when it really matters.

No obstacle is too great; no mountain is too steep to climb.

Your self-esteem can be improved by internal (you thoughts) and external (appearance, possessions) factors.

Patricia Benjamin
Life Coach
Love & Relationship Coach
Radio Talk Show Host
Speaker and Author
Twitter @Ask_Patricia
Facebook Ask Patricia
iTunes Real Love Show

Wednesday, 9 April 2014

How YOU Can Feel Confident All the Time

How YOU Can Feel Confident All the Time!

Self-confidence is essential..

The power of the mind is truly remarkable

How you feel in any given moment is linked to:

 What you are focusing on
 The way you are moving and using your body
 The language you are using

No doubt, your mind controls all three.

The moment you feel lethargic or need an instant confidence/energy boost just change the way you feel by changing the above 3 points.

1. What you are focusing on;

Stay conscious of what you are focusing on in that particular moment.

Are they negative and lethargic thoughts?  Are they indicating that you would fail? Are you telling yourself that you feel low in energy?


What would you have to focus on to feel vibrant and full of energy? What should you focus on to feel confident?

On the other hand, if you are feeling vibrant and energized right now, what are you thinking about?

2. The way you are moving and using your body

This is also called your physiology.

Emotion is created by motion, and the fewer movements you make the less energy you will have!

Moreover, the type of movements you make either pump you up or make you languid and want to doze off.

Observe your body when you are feeling low in confidence.

Are you sitting down? Is your head up or down? Are your shoulders slouched? Are you walking slowly or quickly? Are your facial muscles moving? What are you doing with your hands?

Write down below all the characteristics of a confident person. Imagine there is a confident person before you now. How would they be moving their body?

It’s your turn to feel energized and confident. Ready?


Enact the movements that you just wrote down whenever you are feeling low and, WHOA! You’ll become confident!

3. The language you are using

The words you say to yourself both in your mind and out aloud will have an impact on how you are feeling.

What words do you use to describe negative emotions?

Do you say? :

“I’m feeling tired”
“I’m stupid”
“I’m angry”
“I’m livid”
“I’m overwhelmed”
“I’m depressed”

Write down some more common phrases like those above that you use:

The intensity of those negative sayings will have an effect on how you feel and whether you feel confident or not.

What if instead of – “I’m really nervous”, you said to yourself – “I’m really excited”?

Would it make you feel better?

Of course it would.

Did you know that the feelings and emotions linked to nervousness and excitement are actually the same. It’s just that you are giving the adrenaline right direction.

So, what other words could you replace the negative sayings with?

Try swapping:

“I’m feeling tired” to “I’m feeling unresourceful”
“I’m stupid” to “I’m learning”
“I’m angry” to “I’m a little annoyed”
“I’m livid” to “I’m a little miffed”
“I’m overwhelmed” to “I’m busy”
“I’m feeling insecure” to “I’m questioning”
“I’m depressed” to “I’m not on top of things”

As the intensity of the words lower, the intensity of the feelings lessen too.

Let’s move on with some simple exercises.

Write down 5 old negative sayings or phrases that you say on a consistent basis and replace them with new empowering and less intensified ones:













Just as you lower the intensity of words to lessen negative feelings, you can apply the reverse to feel magnificent and confident every single day!

Change your vocabulary to improve the quality of your day.


Increase the intensity; increase the feeling when you use positive/good words.

Want an example? Here you go…

Instead of saying “I feel good,” say “I feel fantastic!”

What you say is what you get, your words have life and power.
It’s as simple as that.

Here are some more:


“I feel ok” to “I feel awesome”
“I feel motivated” to “I am driven”
“I feel confident” to “I feel unstoppable”
“I feel energized” to “I feel juiced”

Change the “good” words of the present to “magnificent” words of the future.

When you implement this, the impact will be AWESOME!











Enjoy your new level of confidence! See you back here next month for another Life  Coaching  blog post.

Patricia Benjamin
Life Coach
Love & Relationship Coach
Radio Talk Show Host
iTunes: Real Love Show
Twitter: @Ask_ Patricia
Facebook: Ask Patricia