Saturday, 14 February 2015

Week 3 - Count Down to Love

Hope you enjoyed a great Valentines Weekend however you decided to spend it.

So, you're finding the Count Down challenging and loving it at the same time. Nice work so far  - let's get into  the third week.

This week we are going to clear out our closets, stop the nonsense, stop the game playing, stop the self-sabotage and really begin the pursuit of happiness in earnest. There are those who are prepared to put in the same effort when they are seeking love and happiness as when they are seeking employment.  No doubt one of the reasons you are reading this post is because you are too.

Each day we look at how we might be getting in our own way when it comes to love!

Day 15: Don't fry your new love interest or any potential future love interest in the fat of your ex. No matter how awful that past relationship was, this is not the same person. Are you carrying bitterness and pain from your past? If so, work through these issues. You are not ready to start again. Your heart needs to be free from those painful memories and healed from those hurts. You also need to learn the learnings from those relationships.  Have you considered the power of forgiveness? Forgiving not because they deserve it but because you deserve to be happy. You can't be happy if you are still rehearsing, reliving, rehashing every terrible thing your ex did to you. Let go of the anger, don't keep on imagining ways you can get your own back. How can you move forward if you are constantly looking through your rear mirror? Your focus is in reverse! Leave the past exactly where it is, right there, behind you.  If you don't, you'll just have a bitter spirit, a sharp tongue and an ugly attitude.  And we know ugly goes to the bone!  Not attractive. Let it go! Consider working with a relationship coach for a month or so. If you are a person of faith, take it up in prayer and release your sorrow there. Ask your minister to help you. Whatever else  you do, this is an absolute non-negotiable to moving forward and finding real love.

Day 16 . Stop with the game playing! No one has time for  games and all these rules. We are all adults now!  Everybody's grown. Who can be bothered to play your "hard to get" game?  Who can be bothered to jump through all your hoops? Life is too short. If a guy is interested in you and you like him then stop throwing up road blocks. Stop giving him tests. You are not a prize. Just be real. Just be yourself.

Isn't it time to be honest about who you are, what your values are and live in line with that?  If someone doesn't fit then they just don't fit.

Day 17. Stop with the praying. Meaning Stop with the over-spiritualising. Please -  Just Stop! You have to pray AND. Although the good book says Ask, and it will be given.  It also says seek and you'll find. Knock and it will be opened. These all mean you are proactive. Don't ask and wait. Ask, seek, knock, make an effort.  Sitting at home watching reality tv, drinking red wine each night is not going to bring Mr Right to your door. Neither will constantly telling yourself and your  girlfriends that there are just no good men out there. God helps those who help themselves. If you desire a job, once you've prayed would  you not make sure you have the right qualifications, brush up your skills, put out your CV, expand your networks, attend relevant industry seminars/conferences and go on interviews?  A husband will not just turn up out of the blue because you have prayed. Give God something to work with. There ARE suitable marriage partners out there. Create opportunities to meet someone suitable.  Go out and change up your routine. Look lively!  Going to the same old church meetings and seeing the same old folk week in, week out, year after year is not enough!  It hasn't been enough up to now, after so many years, so do something different. Outside the church walls.  Go out, develop new interests, pursue a new hobby, think outside the box, Pray and DO SOMETHING! Do something today.

18. Listen to your intuition. It will never steer you wrong. NEVER.  Sometimes we cannot find Real love because are entangled in relationships that aren't good for us. If something feels off, don't wait for your mind to figure out what's wrong, get out of that relationship.

19. Dating someone who isn't available. This is always a complete waste of time and emotional investment. If this man is married, in another relationship and merely using you for his own ego, or sexual predilections or penchants, you've got to know this is going nowhere. Find the courage and strength to up and leave. It may seem exciting especially with its forbidden nature but as you get older and not so desirable he may seek to replace you as your currency is losing value, and as you begin to tire of always fitting in with his agenda, it's always a dead end. Time to knock this one on its head. You are better than that!

Day 20. Break your cycle. Stop dating the same person but with a different face and name. Do you have a certain type? As in, the wrong type! If you have just the worst taste in the opposite sex, sit down and break it down. Are you still always going for the "bad guy"? Are you still thinking you can fix him, you can change him? What do you need to change about yourself is the question. Work this out and you're on your way!

A great exercise is to ask yourself 3 questions. (1) What do you want? Then (2) What is stopping you? Then (3) What do you want instead? Then repeat the process and keep going till you reach your truth no matter how uncomfortable it feels.  This will take you to the root.  Be honest and truthful to yourself. This is a good exercise to do with a friend who asks you the questions. You can then do the same process with them.

Day 21. Too shy! That's a label you can take off right now.  Being shy is something you can unlearn. And it's pretty easy too!  You can develop social skills. It's simply a matter of taking interest in other people. You can begin by being curious. Curious about life, about people and situations. You can ask questions. Being shy can mean worrying about what people are thinking or saying about you. To be honest, most people are more concerned with what you are thinking or saying about them. It really isn't all about you. A great tip is to do something that many actors have learnt to do. Pretend to be someone else. When you are in a challenging social situation,  think about someone you know who is very socially confident and imagine what they would do. And simply do the same thing. So if you have a friend who is very confident think how they would behave and adopt the same behaviour. You'll be surprised how much fun and how easy this is. After a while, you won't need to pretend anymore, it will be all you.

Okay, so time to go!

Next week, we are getting busy in our love pursuit. Get ready to turn up the volume on week one and take things to a whole new level.

I'm loving all the emails you're sending me about how you are finding this, keep them coming!

Week 4 coming this time next week!

Enjoy the Real Love Challenge!

Patricia Benjamin
Life Coach
Love & Relationship Coach
Radio Talk Show Host
Facebook: Ask Patricia
Twitter: @Ask_Patricia
iTunes: Real Love Show