Thursday, 22 October 2015

Rip Your Runway!

Paying attention to our health is central to our enjoying a happy and successful life.

Our inner and outer health work together and are entirely co-dependent.  You cannot have one without the other.  The universal Law of Cause and Effect dictates if we have a health mindset it is impossible for this not to be reflected outwardly.
 What we must first do then is to Take Responsibility for our physical health, how we feel about ourselves and the way we look.  This is our choice...  The way we look, apart from our genetics, is largely down to us and no one else.

If we petite and slender we can love every inch, if we are large and curvy we can embrace them.  If we want to lose or gain weight we can make the decision to do so.  We do not need to look in the mirror and hate what we see.

Help is available if we need help to make the adjustments.  If we need help with our nutrition, help is at hand; if we need to add a customized exercise plan to our daily routine and generally be more active; help is there.

Beyond pure aesthetics, our physical health plays a key role in how we live and run our lives.  It affects whether we have the energy to invest in our families, our relationships, to give to our careers.

Having good health means we will be around to enjoy the fruit of our labour.  It means our family can enjoy having us around for a long time.  Your partner will have your beauty and love in his life for as long as possible and you will enjoy having a body that gives you what you demand of it.  Clearly, neglecting ourselves is not an option!

Our emotional health is part of our profile and is very often affected by high levels of stress.
Stress can show in our bodies in a myriad of ways: headaches, feelings of sluggishness, poor sleep patterns, weight gain, constant anxiety, high blood pressure and the like.   We are all stressed from time to time, and in fact some stress can be good if channelled currently.

How we handle stress affects our emotional well being.  The most important thing to do is to identify the source or reason for the anxiety and face it.  Once we have faced up to it we can take steps to deal with it.  Do not allow it to fester and build, get outside help if necessary.

Forget about being super mom or superwoman.  The truth is she never really existed, everyone needs help and no woman is an island.

In today’s highly pressured, fast paced and instant society, taking time for self is not a luxury but an absolute must.  Time spent on you, and for you, is never time wasted, or time that could have been better spent.

We are all, on some level, whether consciously or subconsciously, seeking peace.  This time will help you achieve it.  Schedule ‘me-time’ as part of your daily and monthly routine.
Choose activities that relax you, inspire you, nurture you, affirm you and which blow away the cobwebs.

Here are some favourites, add your own:-

•Enjoy laughter (a cheerful heart is like good medicine)
•Have a Girls Night In/Out
•Book a massage
•Run a perfumed bubble bath, use your best body oils and pamper your skin

•Play music that makes you feel good
•Dance like no-one watching
•Run or walk daily
•Enjoy good sex with the one you love
•Admire the beauty of a magnificent sunset
•Keep a journal
•Celebrate your achievements, don’t wait for someone else to validate you
•Get a makeover
•Smile deeply
•Pray and give thanks
•Have some Belgian chocolate (sometimes it’s nice to be naughty!)

Well, it goes without saying that with our physical and emotional health being on the up and up, it is a no-brainer to recognize that you are going to be feeling pretty good about your fine self!  So your personal and body image will, as a matter of course, be positive!

You will appreciate your body and what it can do and how good it can look.  Your beauty will start from within, from your core and your state of mind. 

Forget what the media says about the way you should look and ignore the unrealistic and impossible to achieve images it presents.  Many of these models are not healthy and have eating disorders in order to stay in these industries. 

Your positive body image comes from knowing how fantastic you really are and knowing you are doing all in your power to look and stay healthy.
So walk with your shoulders back, your head up and sport a beautiful smile, which is the prettiest thing you can wear!

Have a strong, purposeful and confident stride as you step out onto the catwalk of your life, and Rip your Runway.

Wednesday, 21 October 2015

Forgiveness - Easier Said Than Done

On waking this morning I had this thought:

Forgiveness comes up so many times when it comes to achieving personal freedom and inner healing.

Sometimes that forgiveness seems the hardest thing to do. How do you forgive someone who has hurt you time and time again. How do you forgive an abuser? How do you forgive the one who broke your heart
Yet we find its the precursor to begin living again and indeed loving again.

I thought I would share some points to bear in mind once we realise that the next step in our journey to wholeness and inner joy is the forgiveness process. I did say process because that's exactly what it is.

First remember by forgiving we are not saying their behaviour was ok; neither does it mean they get away scott-free or that you've given up your rights.  Not at all.

What it does mean is that you are going to step out of the way and leave them to God who knows the heart of all men. It also means you no longer bear that weight you were carrying around. It gets you out of the prison of torment that you've been in, especially as you recall and revisit in your mind the way they hurt you. It also removes you from being their judge.

When someone decides to stay in unforgiveness they need to understand that this merely damages themselves. It hurts only them. They are the ones living with bitterness, anger, even hatred.  

This actually poisons you emotionally and then physically.  Your body will store that emotion in your organs and can lead to dis-ease.  Doctors tell us that these types of emotions stored in the body are many times what is  behind such sicknesses as growths, tumours, cancers, arthritis.  So forgiveness is powerful.  We see why it leads to inner healing and personal freedom.

Take a quiet moment and bring to mind that person who hurt you. As you picture them in your mind actually say clearly that you forgive them and say what you forgive them for.

Next tell them you release them and you cut and sever the emotional and soul ties that bound you to them.

Ask God to give you his peace.

Don't doubt the effect of what you've just done.  Just speaking these words with feeling is enough. Remember words are real. They carry the spirit in which they were uttered. Scriptures tell us that life and death is in the power of the tongue. Your words will work.

Important.  It doesn't now mean you carry on with a toxic or otherwise unhealthy relationship.  It's fine to forgive and release and leave it there. Move on with your life.

Remember I said a little earlier that it's a process.  Sometimes we may experience feelings of hurt or we recall something that was said, or something happens that triggers the memory, if you feel sorrow or hurt or anger that doesn't mean you haven't  forgiven. But what you can do is repeat the process but specifically address this issue that has raised it head and include that in your forgiveness declaration/prayer.

On a recent episode of the Real Love Show we speak to a young woman who was physically abused while growing up by her mother and she tells us that forgiveness was integral to her gaining the freedom she now enjoys -  listen in here

If you want more personal help and you would like someone to work with you personally as your coach, please email me at and I will respond.  Do visit me at   and find out more.

Patricia Benjamin
Life and Relationship Coach
BEFFTA Best Radio Personality
Sound Women 200
Christian Women in Media
Highly Fabulous Consulting

Thursday, 15 October 2015

20 Declarations for a Powerful Purpose Driven Life

Abuse isn't only physical because immense damage can be done to your inner man, your emotional well being,  through vicious, cruel and hateful words.  Its called emotional and mental abuse. And no, its not ok.

If you've endured that and are now in the process of healing these words will help. 

Words may have torn you down but recognise words are a two edged sword, able to cut and yet able to heal.

Life is in the power of the tongue. Change your words to change the way you feel. If someone else's negative words have pained you here is what you do.

Say these declarations every morning and evening for 30 days. Say them with feeling and emotion and with intention. Speak clearly. Let your voice be strong.  Your voice is your instrument.

1. I cancel every negative word spoken over me. I cancel it's effects and I cancel it's consequences.  I rule over my own life and I rule those words obsolete.

2. I am a worthwhile person full of purpose and destiny.

3. Everything I put my mind to I accomplish with excellence. 

4. I am a unique person created in the image of God. 

5. I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

6. God had me in mind from the foundation of the world and his plans for me are good. 

7. I deserve love that is kind. I deserve love that is patient. I deserve love that is not envious of me or full of its own importance. I deserve a love that believes in me, that hopes in me and that endures with me.

8. Today I feel beautiful.  Inside and out. 

9. In this entire world filled with billions of men and women there is not one that comes close to me. God broke the mould when he made me.

10. There are no limitations on me and I am free to use all my gifts and talents to create the life I was made for.

11. All things are possible for me because I believe. 

12. The past has no power to hold me.  I rise up now to live an amazing life.

13. My past is history.  My future is bright.  I have all I need to succeed in this life. 

14. Every day I am learning more and more. I am growing and getting more confident daily. 

15. I decide to show up in the world the way God made me and no one can stop me.

16. I choose peace over worry.  I choose serenity over stress. I choose joy over sorrow.

17. My heart is healing and my spirit restored. 

18. As an act of my free will I forgive those who hurt me. I forgive them freely by God's grace enabling me. I release them.

19. I release myself from those who hurt me. I set myself free and cut the emotional ties that held us. This sets me free. I am free.

20. Peace is my portion. Today and every day. I choose peace. 

Listen to a recent show on leaving abusive relationships here click here

Patricia Benjamin
Life and Relationship Coach

Wednesday, 14 October 2015

It's All About The Money

'Money' Love

The latest Real Love Show was all about the Money.  I have to say it got me inspired,  excited and fired up.

That's not the way I've always felt about money but throughout the show it was so significant that our thoughts and emotions surrounding money are key.

Money expert and financialistar Lavinia D Osborne gave such great insight into money and emotions.  That's right, emotions. Apparently the way we feel about money directly contributes to how we treat it and how we behave around it.

So if we have a positive and empowered attitude towards money then we are more likely to take financial control in our lives. We are more likely to lead when it comes to how our money is invested and the way it's invested.  We are more likely to trust our own instincts and judgment. However if we feel out of control when it comes to our finances or uneducated in money matters we will simply follow other people's advice, assuming they know best.

Yet many people are suffering financially in today's times and instead of giving in to feelings of oppression or depression, an option is there to use it as an opportunity to change the way we view and approach money.

If you're at the bottom, now, then the only way is up. It's time to challenge the status quo. One doesn't always have to be among the have-nots. If you have an history of poor money management or you've always had low expectations of yourself financially why not challenge yourself to do things differently?

Confining your income to a job where you get just enough til the next payday isn't a great plan. You are not in a place of power. A job stands for Just Over Broke!

During times of economic depressions, over history, many successful businesses have launched and become established. But a new mindset is required for this.  Not just about money but about yourself.

Do you see yourself as someone who can be successful money wise?

If you don't see it then you can't have it.

But if you see it, you can have it. (I think I read that in the Bible before)

Or, as a man thinks so he is.

Begin developing a new positive powerful way of viewing money.  Begin to challenge your thoughts and feelings around money. Examine some of the messages you grew up with, were they financially enabling or disabling?

You can begin to change them. Get educated around money.  It is not the root of all evil. (It's the inordinate love of money)  It is a tool. It will take on the personality of its owner.  So think of all the good you can do with the money. Think of the powerful changes you can make in the world beyond just your family and friends.

A couple of great books I've enjoyed reading include

The Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T.Harv Eker
The Richest Man in Babylon by George C Clason
Success Principles by Jack Canfield

Start reading. Start going to seminars on money. Start learning from other successful people and see how they think when it comes to money.  Observe their attitudes etc

Lavinia was so good on the show that I'm booking her for a series of shows on money and wealth creation in the new year. Make sure you listen in.

 Hear the Show  if you missed it.

Also check out her event Financial Extravaganza coming shortly and if you can get there it would be great to see you.

Patricia Benjamin
Life and Relationship Coach
BEFFTA Best Radio Personality
Author of 7 Habits of Highly Fabulous Women

Friday, 9 October 2015

Celibacy, Porn, Domestic Violence - The Big Conversation the Church isn't Having!

Well, I sat in the theatre eagerly awaiting the start of the Play, Holy and Horny

I'd already had the pleasure of interviewing the Playwright herself, Tonya Bolton, and I was really looking forward to seeing her work. 

Real Love Show with Tonya Bolton: Holy and Horny

I have to say I was curious to see how Tonya would deal with such issues as celibacy, masturbation, rape, domestic violence, porn etc. These issues are tough enough but when you add the church element it becomes even tougher.  Not least of which because these are all taboo topics in the faith environment.

Well, Tonya plays all 20 characters in her one woman play,  (and she does so amazingly and brilliantly). I won't discuss the plot and ruin it for those who are yet to see this play currently enjoying it's UK farewell tour;  the play is emotional and uncomfortable.

Emotional and uncomfortable because as a woman I have high empathy with its characters. Not because I've been abused or even experienced some of those issues but God has given me a deep desire to reach out to women who have been oppressed. Women who are broken in spirit and/or broken hearted. 

I find it deeply painful to see or hear of such trauma being perpetrated upon my sisters.  It makes me very angry. Every time I hear stories of women being victimised in toxic or otherwise abusive relationships,  something deep inside me responds to try to somehow  ameliorate that pain. To bring healing. 

It pleases me to learn that women, and men, after having seen the play, have found the courage to speak out about the abuse they've endured, about a rape or other sexual assault about which hitherto they had kept quiet.

I've covered these issues on my show (The Real Love Show on Ruach Radio) several times and will continue to do so. 

How can you not feel emotional when you hear a woman being told that she is "ugly, worthless, should be grateful for his attention as he has women lining up to be with him"; all accompanied by ugly gestures and rammed home with physical abuse?

Why should any man feel he has the right to assault a woman with his tongue?  The Bible is truly right when it says "there is that (word) which pierces like a knife" and "death and life is in the power of the tongue".

Who on earth came up with the proverb "sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me"?

So wrong. 

As well as domestic violence, child sex abuse and rape, the play also looks at celibacy and womanhood and how society (and the church) views women's bodies. 

How do you deal with your sexuality as a single woman, who the church says must be celibate? Is singleness a curse or a powerful state of being?  The show explores this so well.

I believe the church must begin to embrace these talking topics not from a preaching point of view but with a view to healing, understanding and educating. 

The play certainly gives plenty to think about. 

My colleague and I spoke after the show and we decided that attitudes definitely needed changing within the church. Sexual shame  needs to be addressed as many do not speak about their pain or personal challenges, but wear a mask. The mask is necessary if they wanted to be accepted.

I had a client who had lived a previous lesbian lifestyle and, although receiving counselling, was told to keep it quiet so people wouldn't treat her differently.  Think how powerful a testimony she actually has!  SMH.......

The conversation needs to be had and judging by the amount of people attending this Play, and the fact that Tonya has been asked to take it to the USA, people want to engage.  The silence must be stopped.

If you can see this play do go ahead.  Get tickets for the play here.  Be prepared for a hard hitting, adult conversation, with no holds barred!

Hear our conversation here

Patricia Benjamin 
Relationship and Life Coach
BEFFTA Best Radio Personality 
Christian Women in Media Intl UK