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Friday, 9 October 2015

Celibacy, Porn, Domestic Violence - The Big Conversation the Church isn't Having!


Well, I sat in the theatre eagerly awaiting the start of the Play, Holy and Horny

I'd already had the pleasure of interviewing the Playwright herself, Tonya Bolton, and I was really looking forward to seeing her work. 

Real Love Show with Tonya Bolton: Holy and Horny

I have to say I was curious to see how Tonya would deal with such issues as celibacy, masturbation, rape, domestic violence, porn etc. These issues are tough enough but when you add the church element it becomes even tougher.  Not least of which because these are all taboo topics in the faith environment.




Well, Tonya plays all 20 characters in her one woman play,  (and she does so amazingly and brilliantly). I won't discuss the plot and ruin it for those who are yet to see this play currently enjoying it's UK farewell tour;  the play is emotional and uncomfortable.

Emotional and uncomfortable because as a woman I have high empathy with its characters. Not because I've been abused or even experienced some of those issues but God has given me a deep desire to reach out to women who have been oppressed. Women who are broken in spirit and/or broken hearted. 

I find it deeply painful to see or hear of such trauma being perpetrated upon my sisters.  It makes me very angry. Every time I hear stories of women being victimised in toxic or otherwise abusive relationships,  something deep inside me responds to try to somehow  ameliorate that pain. To bring healing. 

It pleases me to learn that women, and men, after having seen the play, have found the courage to speak out about the abuse they've endured, about a rape or other sexual assault about which hitherto they had kept quiet.




I've covered these issues on my show (The Real Love Show on Ruach Radio) several times and will continue to do so. 

How can you not feel emotional when you hear a woman being told that she is "ugly, worthless, should be grateful for his attention as he has women lining up to be with him"; all accompanied by ugly gestures and rammed home with physical abuse?

Why should any man feel he has the right to assault a woman with his tongue?  The Bible is truly right when it says "there is that (word) which pierces like a knife" and "death and life is in the power of the tongue".

Who on earth came up with the proverb "sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me"?

So wrong. 

As well as domestic violence, child sex abuse and rape, the play also looks at celibacy and womanhood and how society (and the church) views women's bodies. 

How do you deal with your sexuality as a single woman, who the church says must be celibate? Is singleness a curse or a powerful state of being?  The show explores this so well.

I believe the church must begin to embrace these talking topics not from a preaching point of view but with a view to healing, understanding and educating. 

The play certainly gives plenty to think about. 

My colleague and I spoke after the show and we decided that attitudes definitely needed changing within the church. Sexual shame  needs to be addressed as many do not speak about their pain or personal challenges, but wear a mask. The mask is necessary if they wanted to be accepted.

I had a client who had lived a previous lesbian lifestyle and, although receiving counselling, was told to keep it quiet so people wouldn't treat her differently.  Think how powerful a testimony she actually has!  SMH.......

The conversation needs to be had and judging by the amount of people attending this Play, and the fact that Tonya has been asked to take it to the USA, people want to engage.  The silence must be stopped.

If you can see this play do go ahead.  Get tickets for the play here.  Be prepared for a hard hitting, adult conversation, with no holds barred!

Hear our conversation here

Patricia Benjamin 
Relationship and Life Coach
BEFFTA Best Radio Personality 
Christian Women in Media Intl UK
www.ruachradio.com
www.highlyfabulousconsulting.com