Saturday, 12 April 2014

Raise Your Self-Esteem


High self-esteem is often mistaken for being conceited and egoistic, which can be taken as negative traits. However, a reasonable level of self esteem can be really good for a positive and impressive self-image.

It is very essential to understand how people comprehend your self image, so to start with we will see how you think other people perceive you.

In the space provided finish off the sentence below with one or two paragraphs, be as honest as you can:

When a person sees or meets me for the first time they think.......
Next, I’d like you to finish off this sentence with another couple of paragraphs:

When a person sees or meets me for the first time I would like them to think ...............

What you have just done is to identify two critical areas.

Firstly, how you think others perceive you and secondly, how you would like others to perceive you.

Now, if the two lists are exactly the same, you are at the stage whereby you are what you want to be like and that people perceive you exactly the way that you want. You must have an extremely high level of self-esteem, which is not necessarily the case with most people.

However, if you see differences on the lists, these are the areas that you must work on in order to raise your self-esteem.

Write down below the differences that you noted and a brief statement of how you can improve upon them:

As you note down these differences you will find that in some instances you might have to make significant improvements, and in others minor. The major and minor details, all are both important.

Another useful exercise to complement the one that you have just completed is to write down all of the characteristics of the ideal person that you would like to become.

Below, write down the way he or she looks, how is their hair done, the way they dress, and present themselves, their mannerisms, their car, everything to do with that person and make sure that you do it in detail:
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              After you have completed the previous exercise, ask yourself this question:

Do you prefer his or her life to your own?

If you do, start to write down what you can do to close the gap:

This exercise will enable you to connect with your desires and aspirations and at the same time give you a realistic picture of your endeavors.

It will ensure your development and growth as a person and will make sure that you can sustain your focus, and that if you do lose track get you right back on the correct path.

Besides what you have put in the list above, we want you to consider some other common areas for personal development and whether they apply to you or not.

These might be very generic areas, but they sure will get you in their own subtle ways.

Talking about the feel good factor, it  is a very essential feeling to have to get you through the day.

To enhance this factor, I  suggest that you take every area of your appearance and analyze it.

An image consultancy book might seem too generic, but they sure have some really good tips and can help you figure things like the types and shades of clothing that complement your face and coloring, the ways you can style your hair to enhance your facial features, the kind of glasses and shades that would suits your face, etc.

Image consultancy books come in really handy as they can actually guide you to feel and look your best with all sorts of style, grooming and wardrobe tips.

You could even go one step further and have an actual image consultation.

Another area that can enhance your self-esteem is your possessions.

Start by making a list, of the possessions that you would like to have and categorize it into the following three groups:

1. Those items that you could go out and purchase immediately.
   E.g. a tie, cufflinks, shirt, etc.

2. Those items that would take a little saving up to get.
   E.g. A suit, a CD system, computer, etc.

3. Those items that are for long-term savings projections
   E.g. A car, house, luxury holiday, etc.

Now, set out medium and long term saving plans in order to acquire the items you have jotted down in 2 and 3 above, and along the way make sure you treat yourself to at least about 2 items per month included in 1.

The smaller possessions will make you feel good and when a larger possession is attained you will feel even better!

By now you should have a good idea of what you would have to look like, own and possess in order for you to feel good about your exterior image to the world.

You might think you are perfect in all aspects, but remember there’s always room for improvement.

Fall in love with yourself and pamper yourself silly, because you will be treated by the world the same way that you treat yourself.

To make a positive impact on others, it is important to have a love affair with yourself. If you feel good about yourself, it is apparent to everyone that you meet.

If you feel bad about your shape, physique, clothes, grooming, manner or appearance, it will be much harder for you to remain confident and assured in social situations.

Someone once said:

“If you treat your friends like you treated yourself, would you have any?”

You are your own best friend, because wherever you go, your best friend will be going with you too. And, like with best friends, you should give them the best.

The way we treat ourselves has a direct impact on how others will treat us.

You will be treated back the way you treat your friends. So, it is at your discretion and it is up to you to adapt an approach and actually train your friends as to how they treat you.


Are you happy with the way that you dress?

If not then buy clothes that will make you feel good.

Make other people compliment you on your appearance; it will make you feel good.

Are the contents of your car, garage or house a mess?

If so tidy it up.

If your car is full of papers, cans, grit and the like, what do you think this says about your style?

Are you happy with your weight?

If so, then fine.

If not, then go on an exercise and healthy eating plan.



The level of your self-esteem can either open new doors and opportunities for you or could bail yourself with a lot of unwanted baggage!

When it comes to those crucial moments in life, when you face a perform or perish kind of situation - that 20 minute promotion presentation or that 10 minute chat to the M.D, you should be at your best, and feel at your best so that you can perform at your best, when it really matters.

No obstacle is too great; no mountain is too steep to climb.

Your self-esteem can be improved by internal (you thoughts) and external (appearance, possessions) factors.

Patricia Benjamin
Life Coach
Love & Relationship Coach
Radio Talk Show Host
Speaker and Author
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