Monday, 21 April 2014

Did Your Mother Leave You to be Raised by Someone Else?

 A recent Real Love Show discussed the experience of those who were brought up by someone other than their parents. Many were well looked after and loved and cared for. However there were plenty who were not.

My HOT TOPICS Presenter in that show, Janet McNish, has written a post for the   Real Love Show blog and  I am delighted to share it with you all. 

On Ask Patricia radio show we talked about how the loss of a parent might cause psychological disturbance in childhood, which could affect their adulthood in the form of chaotic lifestyle and unhealthy relationships.

Peaches Gelfof tragically died on 7th April at age 25. In a prior interview by Aga Magazine (published in The Sunday Times) Peaches said;
,,,I hope when they're older they get to have a bit of the youth that I lost out on when I had them. Now I am a mum, I can correct those awful parts of my childhood and it's a really healing process. 'Before, I was not at peace with myself about it because I was just traumatized. That's why I was living a chaotic lifestyle.”

We highlighted the plight of some children left “back home” to be cared for by family. Their mothers migrated to another town or country in order to build a better future for their children. But, they were not always cared for. In fact the opposite happened which compounded the initial trauma of being separated from their mother. There might have been abuse of various types, physical, verbal, sexual, bullying, neglect or other maltreatment. All this is unbeknown to the parent overseas.

How can a person recover?   Significant recovery is possible. It is a process that includes the following:

1. Talk about some of your experience with someone who is respectful and trustworthy, such as a friend or therapist.

2. Acknowledge the damage and extent of the loss you’ve experienced. This is part of the grieving process.

3. Acknowledge the strengths and life lessons you’ve developed. Such as compassion, resourcefulness, courage…

4.  Forgiveness…
Approving or diminishing
Denying a wrongdoing
Waiting for an apology
Forgetting the wrong
Ceasing to feel the pain.
Trusting the person

Mark 11:25
English Standard Version (ESV)
And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”

1 John 1:9-10
English Standard Version (ESV)
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.

There are dozens of scriptures and wisdom quotes about forgiveness.
Lord Jesus commands us to forgive because he wants us to be free.

Max Lucado said “Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing you were the prisoner!”

We’ve touched on several deep and controversial subjects that cannot be unpacked here. I will cover some of these matters in future blogs.
I look forward to your comments.

See more like this at  

The Real Love Show at   Mondays 4.00-5.00pm GMT