Friday, 20 February 2015

Week 4 - Count Down to Love

Hi guys, its our final week and thank you all for taking this Love Challenge.

Loads of you have reached out to me and talked about your experience so far. And a big thank you to so many of you that have shared the Challenge with your friends. 
I warn you now that this final week may be the most demanding yet but will yield the most harvest from all your efforts so far!
Let's get to it.

Day. 22 - What is your desire for your life? What are you actually demanding from life?  In fact are you not demanding anything at all and just 'going with the flow'?

Have you ever asked yourself these questions? If you know what you really want  in your life it's easier to know what kind of relationship you want. I mean, if you don't yet know what you want from life can you be clear on what you need from a relationship?  Marriage itself  is not an end goal.  It's merely the opening of a new chapter in the book of Your Life. Someone who doesn't yet understand themselves or who isn't focused on where they are going in life is not going to attract someone else who is!

Today, before you leave the house, sit down and ask yourself:- Who Am I emotionally,  spiritually, mentally, professionally?
What are my core values? What are my deepest desires for my life?  What am I prepared to do to get those desires? What are my innate qualities and abilities that I can use to achieve them? 

Write down your answers to these questions - it will help you see clearly who you are, what you want and what you do not want.  Now you will be able to quickly identify people that you meet who are in line with these values and hold similar ambition in life. It's much better to choose a partner whose life values and ambitions are the same or complementary to yours.

Opposites may attract but they don't make for long term commitment or life together.

Day 23 - It's important to bear in mind that you are not here to fix anybody. Don't invest time, energy and emotion in trying to get someone to change. They are who they are fundamentally. If you feel the need to get them to change they are not the one for you. Your friends should be people who inspire you and lift you higher, so how much more your life partner!  Accept him for who he is. Once he has shown you who he is, believe it and accept it. If you're unhappy with the reality then this is not the one for you. 

Don't get into a relationship with someone who is unsuitable and then spend all your time complaining and being miserable. It's so important not only to love and accept yourself but also to know you must accept others for who they are. 

Day 24. Time to look beyond aesthetics. As we get older and wiser we learn to base our romantic interests on things other than outward appearance. We realise the perfect man doesn't have to look like Brad Pitt or Idris Elba! It might be nice but it is not a necessity. Your life is not a Hollywood movie. Consider dating men outside any previous strict parameters. Outside your race. Someone under 6ft. Someone with different yet exciting interests. Take off the limits. 

Day 25. Today you need to set aside 20/30 minutes for this exercise. Please look back over the last five years only and write down everything you have done, completed or achieved that you are proud of. It should be things personal and professional, a new skill, a new ability. Then look back over them and acknowledge and celebrate your achievements. As adults we rarely pat ourselves on the back or tell ourselves "nice job"! Celebrate by calling a few friends and go out someplace special. Because you are special.

Even more fun, why not give a party?  Invite friends, new and old and anyone you'd like to have as more than a friend, get some feel-good music, and dance the night away. Everybody loves a good time. Get planning now!

Day 26: Think about using all dating and matchmaking resources available. Perhaps use a professional matchmaker. Do not count out such options as online dating.  Let your family and good friends know you are interesting in meeting someone, social networking sites, singles holidays, join up for a class in something you're genuinely interested in. Be open to new suggestions, activities, events, places. Break out of your usual social routines and expand your social horizons. 

Day 27: An interesting exercise today. Please select three people. One personal friend. One professional colleague. One associate, maybe someone from your church, a class, a friend of a friend. Once you have selected them please ask them the following: 

a) what do you feel are my 3 strongest strengths?
 b) what 3 things do you like most about me? 
c) if something terrible happened  or you had received bad news, and you called me, what would you expect to get from me  and why?

Give them 24 hrs  to get back to you. And then read through what they say. Anything there really surprise you? Did you learn anything about yourself or did it throw a light on anything for you. 

Day 28. Sit down and review the list you made of your achievements, then look at the answers you received from the 3 individuals you chose! Then close your eyes and see yourself the way these people have seen you. Embrace and acknowledge all your achievements to date. Feel good being who you are. Feel good that you are making a difference to other people. Then in your mind's eye see yourself standing tall, worthy, confident, charismatic, passionate about life and people. At ease with yourself and with others. Wow, how confident, attractive and compelling are you! Walk in your truth. 

Bonus Day: Share the love - every person you come into contact with today, make it a good encounter for them. When you smile, make it a smile from the heart, learn to smize, (smile with your eyes) communicating that passion and joy you have about life.

When you compliment someone do it freely, don't expect one back, just give it because they deserve it and you are happy to affirm them. When you engage with the opposite sex, do it authentically, don't be half-hearted, make an impact, hold their gaze, don't be afraid to ask a follow-up question. Treat them as someone of value. Not because they are rich or handsome but because they are who they are. Everyone responds to respect, and thoughtfulness.


I have loved sharing this Love Count Down with you.

Love starts with love of self. This Challenge has given you a chance to look at who you think you are, who you want to be, who people think you are, and allowed you to put your past behind you so it doesn't hold your future hostage. 

It has awakened hope, given life-skills strategies, encouraged you to open your mind, your networks, your interests; become more proactive about getting what you want. All in all you are now much more magnetic to people, more intriguing to engage with, more confident in your pursuit of what life and love have to offer.

Feel free to go over this again, you'll get better at it each time. Make it part of routine, not just for February. You can review the lessons you've learned and keep practicing your new social skills until you are the expert whatever social circles you find yourself in.

I would love to hear from you, so drop me a few lines at and share your thoughts. 

Also, if you think you would benefit from a more individual approach  you can book me for personal coaching wherever you are in the world, have Skype, will travel (RealLove Show - Skype address) - Personal Coaching allows for a customised plan just for you that covers your life and relationships. It may be just what you need to make sure 2015 brings you what you truly want.
Simply email me at to get started!

Also, look out for the book this Challenge is based on coming this Soon. Countdown to Love,  its a super guide to Preparing for, Getting Ready for, and Finding Love.

Thank you for taking the RealLove Challenge! 

Find my weekly podcasts at iTunes - The Real Love Show

Here's a show you may enjoy listening to - this one features Best Selling Author Aaron Lamont on 'This is Why You're Single'.

And there are plenty more at ITunes under Real Love Show 

Patricia Benjamin
Life Coach
Love & Relationship Coach
Radio Talk Show Host
Facebook: Ask Patricia
Twitter: @Ask_Patricia
iTunes: Real Love Show