Wednesday, 29 January 2014

Cosmetic Surgery for Confidence

Hi there guys,

Julie Sibert joined us on this week's Real Love Show looking at the sexual dilemmas our listeners sent  in.  Julie specialises in intimacy in marriage issues and she is with us the last show of each month. Our dilemma concerned a young wife of 29 who had been married at age 21 and now had 3 children.  Things were not going well in the bedroom currently as she had lost all of her body and sexual confidence.  After nursing 3 children things were no longer facing north but very definitely going south. 

Any mother will tell you that breastfeeding can take its toll. She was considering having breast augmentation to look better in her clothes and to feel better about herself.  She wrote that her husband had told her he still loved her and she was still beautiful to him the way she was. Unfortunately, she hates the way she looks and cannot enjoy the sex life she had with him previously as she now hated her body.

I remember discussing something very similar some years ago with a group of around 15 women, all around 25-40 age group. Just one woman said she should go ahead.  The rest all said she was full of pride and vanity etc.  There was very little female or sisterly empathy or even understanding from a woman's point of view. 

Julie gave out great advice on the show.

What do I think?  First of all everybody else's opinion doesn't really count. It is how you feel.  And what do we call vanity? Is it caring about yourself; working out at the gym; eating healthily so we maintain our weight and look attractive; What about  using good skincare products so our complexion is flawless? Is it wearing make-up to enhance our natural beauty or colouring our hair to hide the grey; or spending time and money in the beauty salon so we look our best;  buying the nicest clothes we can afford to present our best image; getting our teeth whitened, or replacing that chipped tooth with an porcelain crown so we still have a great smile? I mean the list goes on.

However, surgery is a little different because of the risks involved. I do not entertain the moral argument of whether she should or should not have surgery as it seems to me we are all as vain as we can afford to be. Maybe I can't afford a weekend away at a health spa in the Mediterranean but I can do an afternoon pamper session at the local salon. 

If this wife feels she has exercised  correctly and done everything she can to get back to her pre-nursing figure, but her breasts have deflated to zero, surgery could be an option.  What she clearly needs to do is research and preferably get recommendation from others who have been through the procedure before. 

Lots of people criticised Joyce Meyer when she had cosmetic surgery so she would look better.  No doubt, it made her feel better too. The fact that she is on TV has some merit but essentially she had the surgery to look better and surgery did what no make up or facial exercises could accomplish. 

Yes, as Julie mentioned, it is a heart issue. Why do you really want to do this? What is your motivation? Are your expectations realistic? Are you expecting surgery to change your life? 

Also, self-esteem, confidence have a large part to play in sexual performance. I would encourage this lady whatever she decides to work on rebuilding her self-esteem and personal confidence.

It's a really good thing her husband is so loving and supportive towards her too. And though this is a big plus we all know love starts with yourself. This lady needs to love herself. Someone else telling you that you are loveable and desirable doesn't replace self-acceptance and self-love. 

I personally don't feel anybody should tell her what she should do on a matter like this. It is a heart matter and she needs to feel free and at ease with her conscience. 

How to Please Your Husband Sexually. 

Julie also spoke on "How Women can Please their Husbands Sexually".  In church circles, and a lot of my listening audience comprises the church, some people feel that sex is not something to talk about. I believe God is not a prude! In fact, he invented sex. And while we take a look at some of the dilemmas and situations that arise in church, it's clear that people have sex/relationship issues that need to be discussed openly. The great thing with the radio is that you can be pretty much anonymous as there are no visuals. You can also listen in private and reflect. 

Do send in your dilemmas and we will do our best to help each month. We have a great team of experts including +Julie Sibert , +Ryeal Simms+Stephan Labossiere, and we love to help.

Love to know what you think. Feel free to comment. Take care until next time. 

Patricia Benjamin

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