Thursday, 23 January 2014

I've Just Met My Dad for the First Time, I'm 18 Yrs old!

Wow, what must that feel like! The Real Love Show on discussed the dilemma presented where a young lady had only just met her dad at 18 years of age.

As a Life Coach and having  coached so many people with family or relationship issues, it is very clear that the impact of growing up without a father is far reaching. Many times, girls and boys who grow into young men and young women have a sense of being worth little, they often carry a sense of rejection, of inadequacy,of  not being loved, girls don't realize how precious they really are, boys are not validated in their manhood and these issues are played out as they go through life.

Many times the girls become promiscuous, seeking love in all the wrong places, really wanted to be told they are special or loved, and any touch becomes acceptable. Being sexually desirable is seen as a way of feeling special or loved and opens them up to unhealthy relationships.  Boys often try to prove their manhood, sometimes dating and/or bedding as many women as possible  and are often unable to maintain relationships with any sense of stability or commitment.

In the case of our dilemma, she was the result  of a dalliance outside of his marriage and the father did not attend to his responsibilities to her as his flesh and blood as he did not want to threaten his marital home. 

Now, apart of saying, "Do not commit adultery", "the grass isn't always greener","it isn't going to be worth the pain and nobody wins" - what can be done?

Coaching, counselling or therapy.  These are not bad words, they are empowering words.  Any of these are helpful for all parties concerned as life is going to drastically change as they know it.  The father has to negotiate a relationship with an adult daughter he did not raise, he cannot really atone or make up for the absent years, but he can start to love the woman she is now.  Something else he can do is look at the root cause of his own behaviour. Look deep and see if there are long standing issues he has not dealt with within himself;  he also needs his daughter to forgive him for being absent all these years.  He may find he needs to forgive his own father for not showing him how to be a man or indeed how to be a father.  There is never an excuse for this type of behaviour, but there may be a reason, which can and must be addressed and dealt with. The cycle has to stop.  And stop here and now.

When you listen to the show, you will hear resident coach to the Show, Coach +Ryeal Simms  give comprehensive advice and guidance; showing deep insight and understanding. More of the same will be required and pay dividends for this family.

The daughter must  forgive not because he deserves it, but because she deserves it; so she carries no bitterness, and her heart can begin to heal from that deep emotional "father" wound.

Fathers are so important to their daughters, of the core strengths they give their daughters, value and identity are fundamental and primary. He must let her know she is valued.  He must let her know who she is, where she comes from, and her inheritance. This is what a father does for his daughter.  Now is the time for him to begin this process. For this, it is never too late.

The children of the marital home and the wife have a huge curve to negotiate but it is not impossible.  Family talks, family conferences, family interventions are now called for.

Prayer is also desirable.  The family that prays together, stays together.  Supernatural intervention of the God-kind makes a difference.  Speak to your pastor, or priest or minister and get that spiritual support.

Hear the show here:
Real Love Show is on iTunes

Real Love Show is live every Monday on RuachRadio 7pmUK/1pmCST