So, What Do You Think of Interracial Dating?

http://askpatricia2000.wordpress.com/2014/08/16/love-across-the-cultures/

Body Confidence: How to Like What You See in The Mirror

 

From childhood we are sold on an ideal image of beauty, one few of us ever see reflected when we look in the mirror.  

 

This article will show you how you can look in the mirror and despite the ideal, see only a beautiful you.

 

When you look in the mirror, what’s the first thing you notice, and how does it make you feel?  

 

If you’re like most people, the first thing that catches your eye is probably your least favorite asset.  If so, don’t worry you’re not alone.  Here’s why.

 

Can you guess how much money is spent in just one year by advertisers to sell us on the concept of the “ideal” image of beauty?  

 

Well, I can’t either but I do know this—it’s a lot of money, certainly somewhere in the billions of dollars!  

 

So, technically, you can consider yourself brainwashed.  

 

From your earliest childhood days—whether you played with Action Man or Barbie—you’ve been receiving constant, consistent images telling you what beauty is supposed to look like.  

 

Never mind that these images are for the most part, anatomically impossible!

 

And, would you really want to look like David Beckham anyway?  Or Jessica Simpson?  Honestly?  

 

I’m guessing probably not.  

 

So, here’s how you can build your confidence with the body God gave you:

 

1. Look in the mirror

2. This time, really look at yourself.  

 

Reflect on the compliments you have received.  

 

Do people tell you how great your hair is?  

 

How beautiful your eyes are?  

 

That you have a nice smile?  Try to see what they see.

3. Stand far enough away from the mirror so that you can take it all in.  What do you see?  Find at least three positive things.

4. Now, get up close.  

 

Really close.  

 

Look at your eyes—the irises.  

 

What colour are they?  

 

Are they all one colour or are there flecks of various colours?  

 

How would you describe them using positive analogies or adjectives?

5. Now, smile.  What does your smile convey?  Warmth?  Happiness?

6. Find at least three characteristics you like best about yourself, and then accentuate them as you dress to go out.

 

• If you love your eyes, make sure your hair doesn’t cover them up

 

• Love your lips?  Make sure to keep them soft and moisturized

 

• Your hair?  Get a flattering cut and condition it regularly to keep it shiny and healthy

 

In short, amplify what you like, and don’t worry about the parts you don’t.  

 

Here are some ways to do just that:

• Go shopping and bring a good friend.  Ask them to help you pick out colours and clothes they think flatter you.  Don’t worry if your first reaction is “that’s not me!”  

Experiment!

• Feel better about whatever it is you don’t like about yourself by picturing the absolute worst-case scenario.  Exaggerate whatever it is you’re hung up on and blow it up in you mind until it’s comical.  Then look in the mirror—not so bad anymore is it?

 

Accept yourself for who you are, how you look, and focus on what really matters—the things about you that can’t be seen—your heart, mind and soul!

 

• What do you want people to praise you for?  Is it really how you look?  Probably not.  You probably want people to think you’re funny, smart, nice, or generous—something along those lines right?

• Make a list of your positive personal qualities and characteristics.  Then ask yourself, what’s more important?  Get involved in activities that build on your personal characteristics—volunteer, join a club, take a class to sharpen a talent.  These will help you emphasize and focus more on the more important qualities that get you through life successfully and with more fun.

 

 

Live life, love fully and laugh often!

Patricia Benjamin

Life & Relationship Coach

Sound Women 200 List

Top 100 List Most Influential Black People in Digital/Social Media

Christian Women in Media International Network Leader

BEFFTA Best Radio Personality

Twitter: Ask_Patricia & AskPatricia2000

iTunes: Real Love Show & The Ask Patricia Show

 

Love Me Love My Body

Paying attention to our health is central to enjoying a happy and successful life.  Our inner and outer health work together and are entirely co-dependant, you cannot have one without the other.  The universal Law of Cause and Effect dictates if we have a healthy mindset it is impossible for this not to bereflected outwardly.  What we must first do is to Take Responsibility for our physical health, how we feel about ourselves and the way we look.  This is our choice. The way we look, apart from our genetics, is largely down to us and no one else.  If we are petite and slender we can love every inch, if we are large and curvy we can love every inch.  If we want to lose or gain weight we can make it happen.  We do not need to look in the mirror and hate what we see.  Help is available if we need to make adjustments  to our nutrition, help is also at hand if we need to add a customized exercise plan to our daily routine and generally be more active.

 

Beyond pure aesthetics, our physical health plays a key role in how we live and run our lives.  It affects whether we have the energy to invest in our families, our relationships, spend fun time with friends, our careers.  Having good health means we will be around to enjoy the fruits of our labour.  It means our family can enjoy having us around for a long time.  Your partner will have your beauty and love in his life for as long as possible and you will enjoy having a body that gives you what you demand of it.  Clearly, neglecting our bodies is not an option!

 

Our emotional health is part of our health profile and is very often affected by high levels of stress.  Stress can show in our bodies in a myriad of ways: headaches, feelings of sluggishness, poor sleep patterns, weight gain, constant anxiety, high blood pressure and the like.   We are all stressed from time to time, and in fact some stress can be good if channelled correctly, e.g. working to meet a dealine.

 

How we handle stress will affect our emotional well being.  The most important thing to do is to identify the source or reason for the anxiety and face it.  Once we have faced up to it we can take steps to deal with it.  Do not allow it to fester and build, get outside help if necessary, forget about being super mom or superwoman.  The truth is she was an urban myth andnever really existed, everyone needs help and no woman is an island.

 

In today’s highly pressured, fast paced and instant society, taking time for self is not an indulgence or luxury but an absolute must.  Time spent on you is never time wasted or time that could have been better spent.  We are all on some level, whether consciously or subconsciously seeking peace.  This time will help you achieve it.  Schedule ‘me-time’ as part of your daily and monthly routine.  Choose activities that relax you, inspire you, nurture you, affirm you and which blow away the cobwebs.  Here are some favourites, add your own:-

 

•

Enjoy laughter (a cheerful heart is like good medicine)

•

Have a Girls Night In/Out

•

Book a massage

•

Run a perfumed bubble bath, use your best body oils and pamper your skin

•

Play music that makes you feel good

•

Dance like no-one is watching

•

Run or walk daily

•

Enjoy good sex with the one you love

•

Admire the beauty of a magnificent sunset

•

Keep a journal

•

Celebrate your achievements, don’t wait for someone else to validate you

•

Get a makeover

•

Smile deeply

•

Pray and give thanks

•

Have some Belgian chocolate (sometimes it’s nice to be naughty!)

 

Well, it goes without saying that with our physical and emotional health being on the up and up, it is a no-brainer to recognize that you are going to be feeling pretty good about your fine self!  So your body image will as a matter of course be positive.

 

You will appreciate your body and what it can do and how good it can look.  Your beauty will start from within, from your core and your state of mind.  Forget about what the media says about how you should look and ignore the unrealistic and impossible to achieve images the magazines present.  Many of the models which grace their covers are not healthy and mayhave developed eating disorders in order to stay competitive inthe industry.   Moreover, in many cases the pictures have been airbrushed to death and even the models do not look quite that good!

 

Your positive body image comes from knowing how fantastic you really are and knowing you are doing all in your power to look and stay healthy.

 

So walk with your shoulders back, your head up and sport a beautiful smile, which is the prettiest thing you can wear!

 

Have a strong, purposeful and confident stride as you step out onto the Catwalk of Your Life

 

Patricia Benjamin

Life Coach

Love and Relationship Coach

Sound Women 200 List

Top 100 Most Influential Black People 

In Digita/Social Media

Christian Women in Media International Network Leader

BEFFTA Best Radio Personality

Twitter: Ask_ Patricia

iTunes: Real Love Show

Are You Tired of Pretending?

If you read all the books on dating and attraction you would be forgiven for thinking all it took to get someone interested is flipping a switch - like magic, instant attraction.

Some say all you need to do is obey "the rules", or "think like a man" or learn "the code".

But one problem, Are you being the Real You? If you have to come up with this new construct of yourself are you being fair to your prospect, never mind yourself?

Will these artificial tactics give you what you really want? Someone who loves you for who you are? Someone who will appreciate the uniqueness of you? Flaws, imperfections and all!

Maybe it's time to concentrate on finding out what you like. What you enjoy. What your passions are. And pursue this to the maximum. It's very possible that during that process and along that journey you will meet the person who is exactly right for you.

The great thing is that you will be living your truth, living your purpose and loving your life. Very powerful attraction factors.

It's time to be real if you're looking for a love that's real too.

Join me every Monday on award winning Ruach Radio for The Real Love Show (www.ruachradio.com - on Tunein App)

between 4-6pmUK/10-12pmCST/8-10amPST

the SHOW is about all things love and relationships.

Speaking with amazing guests, such as; Dr Gary Chapman, author of New York Times Best Seller 5 Love Languages,  Oprah Winfrey's Ambassador of Hope Marala Scott, Professional Matchmaker "Real Life Hitch" Paul Carrick Brunson, gospel superstar Fred Hammond, and so much more....

The Real Love Show, the best in relationship radio.


Patricia Benjamin
Life Coach
Love & Relationship Coach
Radio Talk Show Host
BEFFTA Best Radio Personality award
Sound Women 200
Top 100 Most Influential Black People in Digital/Social Media
Christian Women in Media Network Leader
Facebook: Ask Patricia
Twitter: Ask_Patricia
iTunes: Real Love Show

You Are Loved - Don't Let Shame Hold You Captive

I spoke to my guest, Caroline, on the Real Love Show. She shared her story of enduring years of violent domestic abuse.  She went through a virtual hell, a nightmare!

Beaten, battered, broken and bruised; having to go and live at several Women's Refuges, once even while pregnant. 

Enduring the physical pain was one thing. But the emotional and mental pain was another level. Even worse the fact that she told no one. No family. No friends. No colleagues. 

She tells me she learned to sit in the dark in complete silence. Quietly. Still. Not moving. Not making a sound. Hoping desperately that whoever was knocking at her door would eventually go away believing she was out. For she couldn't possibly let them see her like this. Swollen eyes. Scarred. Puffed cheeks. No make up could hide these fresh wounds.  

Finally she tells someone. Finally her family learn the truth. Once she has overcome her sense of shame, she gradually realizes that her family love her. That they aren't going to judge her. That they will gather her into their arms and gather her back to life and love. 

Isn't it awful that not only does the situation imprison but the mindset that it produces imprisons so securely!

She was always loved. But she could not reach out and avail herself of that love. 

I want to use this blog post to say to anyone who feels imprisoned, overcome or bound by similar circumstances that you are loved. You are worthy. You are somebody. You are better than this. No one has the right to hold you down. 

Pick up the phone and call a trusted friend. Call a family member you instinctively know will understand. Go online and seek out organisations such as Women's Aid, etc. 

Contact me at AskPatricia@me.com. 

You will be believed. You will receive support. You are not alone. 

Patricia Benjamin

Life Coach

Love & Relalationship Coach

Facebook : Ask Patricia

Twitter: Ask_ Patricia

ITunes: Real Love Show

3 Important Lessons I've Learnt so Far this Year.

Three Important Truths I have Learnt so far this year. 

 

(1) When God updates your identity you have to let go off those who are clinging to the emotional familiarities of the old you. 

Life is about revelation and progression. The more we learn, grow and develop the more we expand and are able to do. Understanding that life is a journey, that I am on the way to my destination it means that I have to be prepared to move from my previous comfort zones. Comfort zones can be people. People you associated with before. I have to be willing to let go of who I was. 

(2) Don't allow any and everybody to speak over my life. This is a big one. It's important to recognise that not everyone has the right to speak into your life or destiny. Not everyone understands you. God will bring into your life those who do. They will be those who have trodden the same path before. You will recognise them the same way I did. There will be a resonance. A connection. An understanding and you'll just know you are birds of the same feather. Keep these people close. Read their books, follow their blogs, listen to their podcasts, go to their seminars, have lunch with them. Essentially, learn from them by any and all means possible. 

(3) When dealing with others, Until you solve their problems and address their needs you are not relevant. Meet someone's need and you have an audience. Give the people what they need AND want. Find out how they want it, then go ahead. Be a problem solver. 

Patricia Benjamin

Life Coach

Love & Relationship Coach

Facebook: Ask Patricia

Twitter: Ask_ Patricia

ITunes: Real Love Show

No Matter What, Whatever it takes.....

Don't you dare give up on who you are. Don't ever give up on your dream. Don't ever give in no matter what! 

The caged bird doesn't wait until it's out of the cage to sing. Despite the bars, despite the confinement, it sings. It lifts it's voice and sings it's song. Do you have a voice? Do you have a song?

It's not over yet. While you are alive and drawing breath your dream lives. 

Life so far may have been cruel. You may have been let down my friends. You may have experienced disappointments. You may have experienced hurt, disloyalty and betrayal. But it's not over. 

Do people laugh when you share your deepest desires? Do they tell you it can't happen. No way. Do they tell you it's the impossible dream?

Well, if it's in your heart and soul, it's possible. Your deepest desires and dreams have been put there by God and with Him all things are possible. The fact that you can dream it, means you can achieve it. 

Remember your dream will be the making of you.  So it will cost you. It will take something from you. It will teach you. It will train you. It will build you. It will make you. The accomplishment and fulfilment of your dream is the final part of the process of bringing you to a place of maturity, wisdom and understanding. 

Whilst going through your process do not compare yourself with others. Their tests and trials may not be apparent. But they are there nonetheless. If they seem to be going faster or quicker than you, remember the race is not given to the swift but to him that endures. 

In order not to give up on your dream you must not give up on yourself. You can make it. You will make it. You have come this far, and there is no turning back. 

Find it in you to be violent. There are times to violently oppose the status quo. If it is in opposition to what you are trying to do then you must use your best endeavours to bring change. 

Remember, your dream will not come to you. You must go out to meet it. Out of your comfort zone. Out beyond what's familiar to you. Out to that place where the magic happens and the miracles appear. Go out to meet your dream. 

Use your personal resourcefulness fully. Be wise. Be cunning. Be opportunist. Be smart. Be proactive. Be willing. Be ready. Be prepared. Resist the negativity. Resist the faintheartedness. Resist the passivity. Resist the poverty mentality. Resist the victim mindset. Resist the fatalist mindset. Become creative. Become a change maker. Become the game changer. Make your own rules. Live your own life. You decide. You choose. 

"And this is the victory that overcomes the world, even our faith". 1 John 5.4

"The violent take it by force" Matthew 11.12

"If you believe in yourself, know what you want, you can make it happen." Mariah Carey

Patricia Benjamin

Life Coach

Love & Relationship Coach

AskPatricia@Me.com

Facebook: Ask Patricia

Twitter: Ask_Patricia

iTunes: Real Love Show