Want to be more Confident? Avoid these common mistakes

1. Believe what you feel.

Feelings are not facts. If you believe your feelings blindly, just too bad, my friend. Mend your ways or you are sure to suffer a confidence setback.

 

The quality of your life is based upon the quality of your feelings.

 

Feelings are only thoughts that we have decided to generate. That doesn’t make them real.

 

You give meaning to your thoughts; and hence your feelings.

 

So, are you the type of person who believes all the feelings you have?

 

 “I feel bad. Therefore, I must be bad.”

 “I feel like a loser. Therefore, I must be a loser.”

 “I feel ugly. Therefore, I must be ugly.”

 

Low levels of confidence can distort your thoughts. So you really need to question your feelings before you believe them.

 

Ask yourself questions like:

 

 “What would someone who is a 100% loser, is bad or ugly be like?”

 “Am I really like that?”

 

Challenge your feelings by questioning them.

 

2. Personalize Everything. 

Personalizing is when you blame yourself.

 

Personalizing happens when you say:

 

 “It’s entirely my fault that my son didn’t get the chances in life.”

 “If I wasn’t so clingy, men would stay with me.”

 “It’s all my fault that we got divorced.”

 

Blaming yourself for other people's actions and decisions means you are taking too many responsibilities on your shoulders.

 

Don’t!

 

Simply because you are not accountable for someone else’s decision-making.

 

Remember that you are not the only one giving advice or offering opinions. An individual meets numerous people and hence gets a number of opinions. But in the end he or she has the freedom to decide what he or she wants to do.

 

Agreed mistakes do happen and some of them could be the result of your action or decision. But all of them?! You don’t believe that, do you?

 

Your confidence is suffering a blow every time you hold yourself liable for someone else’s life turning out to be miserable.

 

Take the reigns of your life into your hands. Don’t blame yourself and don’t let others do it unjustly.  

 

3. Making comparisons with others.

Do you always compare yourself to others?

 

If you do, it’s high time you stop.

 

Why are you putting yourself through so much of worthless competition? Frankly, it isn’t even healthy competition.

 

What you are doing through such a comparison is magnify your ‘weaknesses’ and others’ ‘strengths’ or shrink others’ ‘weaknesses’ and your ‘strengths’.

 

So, are you saying something like this?

 

 “I haven't got a chance for this job, after all who is going to want to hire a single Mum? Maria is young, single and she has got a degree.”

 “I am hopeless at spelling and math, Mark is great at these, he can do them standing on his head.”

 “No-one will want to go out with me, I've got a big nose. Look at Donna. She is beautiful, has lovely hair and really nice skin.”

 

Challenge these thoughts!

 

Appreciate that you are a unique person and stop these distortions.

Patricia Benjamin

Life Coach

Love & Relationship Coach

Radio Talk Show Host

Writer and Speaker

Facebook: Ask Patricia

Twitter: Ask_ Patricia 

iTunes Real Love Show

#BringBackOurGirls

As you may have heard in the news, and various social media, nearly three hundred Nigerian schoolgirls were kidnapped by the Islamist militant group Boko Haram and possibly trafficked into the sex trade or forced into marriages. 

The hunt is on to find these girls and bring them back to their families.  This sex trafficking problem is not just a problem in Nigeria but other countries across the world. 

This week's Real Love Show focused on this story and in particular looked at why there was a market for these girls. There is the political agenda behind the kidnapping but it still remains that child marriage and/or forced marriages are nothing new. 

We learnt that child betrothal goes back to the inception of Nigeria. It seems a young girl can be promised to a man of many years her senior and that this allows the girl's family to go to this man for material help or assistance from then on. It is almost an exchange. The girl has no choice in the matter. It would seem the mother would have no say either. Apparently this practice is mostly due to abject poverty, mostly in Northern Nigeria. 

There is so much to this issue and we intend to look at child marriages more indepth on a future show. 

I feel there is a great need for campaigning for women's rights because this is a very dehumanizing way for a woman to live. Do they dare to hope? Do they dare to dream? On 14 February we celebrated One Billion Rising to support the mission against violence towards women. We need this and more. 

On the Show I spoke with Tatiana Giraud of the TG foundation which works to help bring restoration to women and girls who have endured extremely brutal sexual violence in the Congo. I believe this organisation and others like it must be supported to ensure that these women and girls can have a chance to live a normal and fulfilling life, with hope for a brighter future. 

In the meantime it is a good thing the eyes of the world are focused right now on Nigeria and these kidnapped schoolgirls. We hope and pray that they will be returned safely to their families. 

The Dilemma Show

The Dilemma Show



On this show we answer dilemmas including: a woman who fears menopause is adversely affecting her sex life as it is no longer enjoyable; a 42 woman who says the only men who show interest in her are always married; a young man who is dating a young single mother who he thinks still likes her ex, a man whose wife divorced him for his adultery wants to start dating again and is unsure if he is ready; an older sister who is bad mouthing her other sisters and critizing their husbands and their families; plus a woman who at 55 still feels abandoned by her mother who allowed her to grow up with her grandmother when she left the country to seek a better life, even though she later brought her to live with her. Dr Ryeal Simms is our guest coach. Music from Deitrick Haddon and Tamar Braxton .



Take a listen and share with a friend.



Patricia Benjamin

Life Coach & Relationship Coach

Radio Talk Show Host

Facebook: Ask Patricia

Twitter: Ask_Patricia

iTunes

Stop Being the Control Freak in your Relationship

Find out how to Stop Being the Control Freak in your Relationship.  Find out what some of the reasons might be that you seek to control. Examine how this need is more than likely sabotaging your love life. 

http://biwmagazine.com/category/tips-on-relationships/

Stop Chasing and Start Attracting Love with Jack A Daniels plus Cocoa Brown talking Single Moms Club

Stop Chasing and Start Attracting Love with Jack A Daniels plus Cocoa Brown talking Single Moms Club



A super show with Love Expert Jack A Daniels who tells women that men place them in one of three categories: Freak, Friend or Forever! Its time to find out where you are. Plus he explains why so many single, successful and available men are Still Single.



The fabulous Hollywood actress Cocoa Brown drops by the show and is talking about life, love and the Single Moms Club.  She talks about the stigma attached to being a single mom and why women should not feel bad about themselves but face life full on.  And, find out why she had to apologize to the wife of Terry Crews, her co-star in the film Single Moms Club! A fun and inspiring chat with this queen of comedy.


Take a listen.



Music from Whitney Houston, Kim Burrell and more.....

Paul Carrick Brunson & Dr Ryeal Simms on Love & Matchmaking

Paul Carrick Brunson & Dr Ryeal Simms on Love & Matchmaking



One of my favourite shows, Dr Ryeal Simms looks at some of your relationship dilemma and singleness appears to be the topic of the day. Dr Simms reminds the ladies that they are the chooser and the guys are just trying to get the job.



Paul Carrick Brunson, world number one matchmaker tells us what the matchmaking process involved.  Did you know that it is mostly men who take on matchmakers? And find out what's the secret ingredient in the secret sauce when it comes to matchmaking?



A great show with two authorities on this topic.



Watch out for more from Dr Ryeal Simms this Monday at 4pmUK/8amPST/11amEST on RuachRadio.com available online or via Tunein app on your smartphone.  He is addressing your relationships dilemmas.  You can send in yours to me at AskPatricia@me.com and we will look at them on the show.  All names are changed.





Patricia Benjamin

Life Coach

Love & Relationship Coach

Radio Talk Show host

Speaker and Author

Email: AskPatricia@me.com

Twitter Ask_Patricia

Facebook: Ask Patricia

iTunes: Real Love Show

Did Your Mother Leave You to be Raised by Someone Else?

 A recent Real Love Show discussed the experience of those who were brought up by someone other than their parents. Many were well looked after and loved and cared for. However there were plenty who were not.

My HOT TOPICS Presenter in that show, Janet McNish, has written a post for the   Real Love Show blog and  I am delighted to share it with you all. 

On Ask Patricia radio show we talked about how the loss of a parent might cause psychological disturbance in childhood, which could affect their adulthood in the form of chaotic lifestyle and unhealthy relationships.

Peaches Gelfof tragically died on 7th April at age 25. In a prior interview by Aga Magazine (published in The Sunday Times) Peaches said;

“,,,I hope when they're older they get to have a bit of the youth that I lost out on when I had them. Now I am a mum, I can correct those awful parts of my childhood and it's a really healing process. 'Before, I was not at peace with myself about it because I was just traumatized. That's why I was living a chaotic lifestyle.”

We highlighted the plight of some children left “back home” to be cared for by family. Their mothers migrated to another town or country in order to build a better future for their children. But, they were not always cared for. In fact the opposite happened which compounded the initial trauma of being separated from their mother. There might have been abuse of various types, physical, verbal, sexual, bullying, neglect or other maltreatment. All this is unbeknown to the parent overseas.

How can a person recover?   Significant recovery is possible. It is a process that includes the following:

1. Talk about some of your experience with someone who is respectful and trustworthy, such as a friend or therapist.

2. Acknowledge the damage and extent of the loss you’ve experienced. This is part of the grieving process.

3. Acknowledge the strengths and life lessons you’ve developed. Such as compassion, resourcefulness, courage…

4.  Forgiveness…

WHAT FORGIVENESS IS NOT…

•

Approving or diminishing

•

Denying a wrongdoing

•

Waiting for an apology

•

Forgetting the wrong

•

Ceasing to feel the pain.

•

Trusting the person

•

Reconciliation

Mark 11:25

English Standard Version (ESV)

And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”

1 John 1:9-10

English Standard Version (ESV)

9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.

There are dozens of scriptures and wisdom quotes about forgiveness.

Lord Jesus commands us to forgive because he wants us to be free.

Max Lucado said “Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing you were the prisoner!”

We’ve touched on several deep and controversial subjects that cannot be unpacked here. I will cover some of these matters in future blogs.

I look forward to your comments.

See more like this at www.janetmcnish.com  

The Real Love Show at  https://www.facebook.com/ask.patricia

http://ruachradio.com   Mondays 4.00-5.00pm GMT