Friday, 16 May 2014

Want to be more Confident? Avoid these common mistakes

1. Believe what you feel.

Feelings are not facts. If you believe your feelings blindly, just too bad, my friend. Mend your ways or you are sure to suffer a confidence setback.
The quality of your life is based upon the quality of your feelings.
Feelings are only thoughts that we have decided to generate. That doesn’t make them real.
You give meaning to your thoughts; and hence your feelings.
So, are you the type of person who believes all the feelings you have?
 “I feel bad. Therefore, I must be bad.”
 “I feel like a loser. Therefore, I must be a loser.”
 “I feel ugly. Therefore, I must be ugly.”
Low levels of confidence can distort your thoughts. So you really need to question your feelings before you believe them.
Ask yourself questions like:
 “What would someone who is a 100% loser, is bad or ugly be like?”
 “Am I really like that?”
Challenge your feelings by questioning them.
2. Personalize Everything. 

Personalizing is when you blame yourself.
Personalizing happens when you say:
 “It’s entirely my fault that my son didn’t get the chances in life.”
 “If I wasn’t so clingy, men would stay with me.”
 “It’s all my fault that we got divorced.”
Blaming yourself for other people's actions and decisions means you are taking too many responsibilities on your shoulders.
Simply because you are not accountable for someone else’s decision-making.
Remember that you are not the only one giving advice or offering opinions. An individual meets numerous people and hence gets a number of opinions. But in the end he or she has the freedom to decide what he or she wants to do.
Agreed mistakes do happen and some of them could be the result of your action or decision. But all of them?! You don’t believe that, do you?
Your confidence is suffering a blow every time you hold yourself liable for someone else’s life turning out to be miserable.
Take the reigns of your life into your hands. Don’t blame yourself and don’t let others do it unjustly.  
3. Making comparisons with others.

Do you always compare yourself to others?
If you do, it’s high time you stop.
Why are you putting yourself through so much of worthless competition? Frankly, it isn’t even healthy competition.
What you are doing through such a comparison is magnify your ‘weaknesses’ and others’ ‘strengths’ or shrink others’ ‘weaknesses’ and your ‘strengths’.
So, are you saying something like this?
 “I haven't got a chance for this job, after all who is going to want to hire a single Mum? Maria is young, single and she has got a degree.”
 “I am hopeless at spelling and math, Mark is great at these, he can do them standing on his head.”
 “No-one will want to go out with me, I've got a big nose. Look at Donna. She is beautiful, has lovely hair and really nice skin.”
Challenge these thoughts!
Appreciate that you are a unique person and stop these distortions.

Patricia Benjamin
Life Coach
Love & Relationship Coach
Radio Talk Show Host
Writer and Speaker
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