Here's How to be More Confident.
Stop These Behaviours
1. Binning the positives
Do you tend to overlook the compliments people give you?
Do you refuse to accept and ignore if someone says “That was a great job, well done” or “You look fantastic today”?
How do you usually reply to praise?
“Oh, it was nothing, it was easy” or “I don't look great really, you’re just saying that.”
Do you realize that you’ve just discounted the fact that you worked really hard to get that job done or that you take time over your appearance to get it right?
Let’s set this record straight. A simple “Thank you” with a smile is the perfect response.
Think it over. Is it that much of an effort?
You would give credit to someone who does a great job. Make sure you accept the credit when you do a great job or when you receive a compliment.
2. And they all lived happily ever after
Perfection is an illusion.
Oh yes it is. No point arguing here.
So if you are a person who has to have everything perfect in your life, it’s going to be pretty tough, buddy! You are setting yourself up for disappointments.
Do you have thoughts like:
“That shouldn't happen to me.”
“I can't believe that has happened.”
Stop looking for that perfect world. Everyone has things happen to him or her, good and bad. You are not a special case and no one is exempt.
Instead accept that bad times fall on all and ask yourself “What could I do to improve this situation now?”
3. Blaming other people and events
Do you blame others and don’t accept responsibility for outcomes that are different from your expectations?
Do you say:
“If only my parents had been more ambitious I'd have had more success by now.”
“If only I didn't have to impress all of the time.”
“He make's me feel so bad.”
“She had a hold over me which means I can't do anything.”
While this attitude is awful, it will also make you feel like a ‘victim’. Forever you will move ahead with a sense of helplessness; that you are capable of nothing.
It isn’t your fault. Is it?
YES, IT IS!
Agreed, the event has had an effect on you but at the end of the day only you have the responsibility to let it affect you.
So, how do you turn these thoughts around?
Well, for starters, focus on the reality.
If you feel something is unfair or unjust, accept that it is.
Then accept that the impact it has on you is your responsibility.
Don't make excuses; it is your responsibility!
4. It's all or nothing!
There’s more than just black and white. There are several colors in between, right? Like blue, green, red, yellow, pink, brown, purple, mauve…phew!
Then why are most aspects of life just black or white? Are you one of those who think “It’s all or nothing”?
Is there no grey area in between?!
“I am either a success or a failure.”
“If I get first place, I am a winner. If I get second place, I am a loser”, irrespective if there are 20,000 runners!
“If I don't get things 100% perfect I am a flop.”
“If I don't get an A Grade in Math, I am a failure.”
Well, in life there are rarely successes and failures. In fact, success is a journey, not a destination.
Success and failure are not meant to be measured on a 100 or 0 scale. At the end of the day if you don’t perform to your highest standards, it certainly doesn’t mean you scored a zero!
Your “It’s all or nothing” thought is only setting you up for failures.
How many times do you perform with absolute perfection?
Less than 10% of the time!
So, does that mean you are a failure 90% of the time?
Now you know that’s utter nonsense.
Why do you always have to be perfect?
Love & Relationship Coach
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