Tuesday, 4 March 2014

Relationship Don't Dos

On this week's Real Love Show a couple of relationship issues came to light which I thought needed attention. One concerned a lady in a relationship becoming too involved too quickly.

Scenario 1 - having dated for a mere 5 weeks the young lady age 23 gives her new boyfriend of the same age, an expensive silver bracelet with both their initials engraved and the words "love you forever"! The young man is very taken aback and hardly knows what to say. He feels it's just too much as they are just getting to know each other. 

Scenario 2 - After a number of expensive gifts including a weekend in Milan, a surprise birthday gift to him from her, he asks that they slow down as it's only been 3 months and she gets very upset and angry.  

Scenario 3 - A woman age 41 has been seeing a man for 8 weeks. They get along well and she likes him a lot. She has now given him a key to her house and takes delight in providing wonderful meals for him and doesn't mind helping him with laundry as he often works nights. She feels she is a good woman and can make him happy. She is now concerned as he seems to be taking her for granted and she doesn't like it. 

I would like to offer some food for thought to both these ladies and to anyone else male or female that can relate to this type of behaviour. 

You cannot buy love and you cannot hurry love. Desperation and neediness is neither attractive nor desirable in a partner. Nobody values something they get too easy. It's like easy come easy go. We all know when you work for something you appreciate it. That includes relationships. 

Number one is to value yourself. Now the type of behaviour shown here is typically of someone who has low self-esteem. The low self-esteem could stem from past relationships that eroded their self-confidence and could have included being cheated on, or being verbally or mentally abused and made to feel inadequate or less than. 

The older lady may feel the pressure of being lonely or the biological clock or past relationships that were also negative in some way. 

When we want love we have to prepare for love. This starts with loving yourself. Treating yourself with respect. When you respect yourself a partner will do the same. You don't have anything to prove to anyone. Just be yourself. You are enough. However, you may have areas that you have not addressed in your life that are causing vulnerabilities or weakness when it comes to negotiating a love relationship. 

I would recommend you take a look at my earlier blog - The 28 Day RealLove Challenge - which takes you through a process of finding out and getting clarity on who you really are, helps you create a compelling plan for your wonderful self and identifies areas for change when it comes to self and relationships. 

In the meantime realise that to come on too strong is another way of sabotaging a relationship. Relax and cool off. Never make another human being your whole life. Or your entire focus. Get a life of your own. That phrase "you complete me" is pure Hollywood and you cannot put your happiness in someone else's power. You are responsible for making yourself happy. It's your life. 

A man or a woman is much more attracted to someone who has a life of their own, isn't clingy or needy, and who seems to be pursuing life. 

Start living your life like its golden. Love you, love your life!
Patricia Benjamin
Life and Relationship Coach
Radio Talk Show Host
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