20 Declarations for a Powerful Purpose Driven Life

Abuse isn't only physical because immense damage can be done to your inner man, your emotional well being,  through vicious, cruel and hateful words.  Its called emotional and mental abuse. And no, its not ok.

If you've endured that and are now in the process of healing these words will help. 

Words may have torn you down but recognise words are a two edged sword, able to cut and yet able to heal.

Life is in the power of the tongue. Change your words to change the way you feel. If someone else's negative words have pained you here is what you do.

Say these declarations every morning and evening for 30 days. Say them with feeling and emotion and with intention. Speak clearly. Let your voice be strong.  Your voice is your instrument.


1. I cancel every negative word spoken over me. I cancel it's effects and I cancel it's consequences.  I rule over my own life and I rule those words obsolete.

2. I am a worthwhile person full of purpose and destiny.

3. Everything I put my mind to I accomplish with excellence. 

4. I am a unique person created in the image of God. 

5. I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

6. God had me in mind from the foundation of the world and his plans for me are good. 

7. I deserve love that is kind. I deserve love that is patient. I deserve love that is not envious of me or full of its own importance. I deserve a love that believes in me, that hopes in me and that endures with me.

8. Today I feel beautiful.  Inside and out. 

9. In this entire world filled with billions of men and women there is not one that comes close to me. God broke the mould when he made me.

10. There are no limitations on me and I am free to use all my gifts and talents to create the life I was made for.

11. All things are possible for me because I believe. 

12. The past has no power to hold me.  I rise up now to live an amazing life.

13. My past is history.  My future is bright.  I have all I need to succeed in this life. 

14. Every day I am learning more and more. I am growing and getting more confident daily. 

15. I decide to show up in the world the way God made me and no one can stop me.

16. I choose peace over worry.  I choose serenity over stress. I choose joy over sorrow.

17. My heart is healing and my spirit restored. 

18. As an act of my free will I forgive those who hurt me. I forgive them freely by God's grace enabling me. I release them.

19. I release myself from those who hurt me. I set myself free and cut the emotional ties that held us. This sets me free. I am free.

20. Peace is my portion. Today and every day. I choose peace. 


Listen to a recent show on leaving abusive relationships here click here

Patricia Benjamin
Life and Relationship Coach
www.highlyfabulousconsulting.com
www.ruachradio.com

It's All About The Money

'Money' Love

The latest Real Love Show was all about the Money.  I have to say it got me inspired,  excited and fired up.

That's not the way I've always felt about money but throughout the show it was so significant that our thoughts and emotions surrounding money are key.

Money expert and financialistar Lavinia D Osborne gave such great insight into money and emotions.  That's right, emotions. Apparently the way we feel about money directly contributes to how we treat it and how we behave around it.

So if we have a positive and empowered attitude towards money then we are more likely to take financial control in our lives. We are more likely to lead when it comes to how our money is invested and the way it's invested.  We are more likely to trust our own instincts and judgment. However if we feel out of control when it comes to our finances or uneducated in money matters we will simply follow other people's advice, assuming they know best.

Yet many people are suffering financially in today's times and instead of giving in to feelings of oppression or depression, an option is there to use it as an opportunity to change the way we view and approach money.

If you're at the bottom, now, then the only way is up. It's time to challenge the status quo. One doesn't always have to be among the have-nots. If you have an history of poor money management or you've always had low expectations of yourself financially why not challenge yourself to do things differently?

Confining your income to a job where you get just enough til the next payday isn't a great plan. You are not in a place of power. A job stands for Just Over Broke!

During times of economic depressions, over history, many successful businesses have launched and become established. But a new mindset is required for this.  Not just about money but about yourself.

Do you see yourself as someone who can be successful money wise?

If you don't see it then you can't have it.

But if you see it, you can have it. (I think I read that in the Bible before)

Or, as a man thinks so he is.

Begin developing a new positive powerful way of viewing money.  Begin to challenge your thoughts and feelings around money. Examine some of the messages you grew up with, were they financially enabling or disabling?

You can begin to change them. Get educated around money.  It is not the root of all evil. (It's the inordinate love of money)  It is a tool. It will take on the personality of its owner.  So think of all the good you can do with the money. Think of the powerful changes you can make in the world beyond just your family and friends.

A couple of great books I've enjoyed reading include

The Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T.Harv Eker
The Richest Man in Babylon by George C Clason
Success Principles by Jack Canfield

Start reading. Start going to seminars on money. Start learning from other successful people and see how they think when it comes to money.  Observe their attitudes etc

Lavinia was so good on the show that I'm booking her for a series of shows on money and wealth creation in the new year. Make sure you listen in.

 Hear the Show  if you missed it.

Also check out her event Financial Extravaganza coming shortly and if you can get there it would be great to see you.


Patricia Benjamin
Life and Relationship Coach
BEFFTA Best Radio Personality
Author of 7 Habits of Highly Fabulous Women
www.highlyfabulousconsulting.com
www.ruachradio.com

Celibacy, Porn, Domestic Violence - The Big Conversation the Church isn't Having!

Well, I sat in the theatre eagerly awaiting the start of the Play, Holy and Horny

I'd already had the pleasure of interviewing the Playwright herself, Tonya Bolton, and I was really looking forward to seeing her work. 

Real Love Show with Tonya Bolton: Holy and Horny

I have to say I was curious to see how Tonya would deal with such issues as celibacy, masturbation, rape, domestic violence, porn etc. These issues are tough enough but when you add the church element it becomes even tougher.  Not least of which because these are all taboo topics in the faith environment.

Well, Tonya plays all 20 characters in her one woman play,  (and she does so amazingly and brilliantly). I won't discuss the plot and ruin it for those who are yet to see this play currently enjoying it's UK farewell tour;  the play is emotional and uncomfortable.

Emotional and uncomfortable because as a woman I have high empathy with its characters. Not because I've been abused or even experienced some of those issues but God has given me a deep desire to reach out to women who have been oppressed. Women who are broken in spirit and/or broken hearted. 

I find it deeply painful to see or hear of such trauma being perpetrated upon my sisters.  It makes me very angry. Every time I hear stories of women being victimised in toxic or otherwise abusive relationships,  something deep inside me responds to try to somehow  ameliorate that pain. To bring healing. 

It pleases me to learn that women, and men, after having seen the play, have found the courage to speak out about the abuse they've endured, about a rape or other sexual assault about which hitherto they had kept quiet.

I've covered these issues on my show (The Real Love Show on Ruach Radio) several times and will continue to do so. 

How can you not feel emotional when you hear a woman being told that she is "ugly, worthless, should be grateful for his attention as he has women lining up to be with him"; all accompanied by ugly gestures and rammed home with physical abuse?

Why should any man feel he has the right to assault a woman with his tongue?  The Bible is truly right when it says "there is that (word) which pierces like a knife" and "death and life is in the power of the tongue".

Who on earth came up with the proverb "sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me"?

So wrong. 

As well as domestic violence, child sex abuse and rape, the play also looks at celibacy and womanhood and how society (and the church) views women's bodies. 

How do you deal with your sexuality as a single woman, who the church says must be celibate? Is singleness a curse or a powerful state of being?  The show explores this so well.

I believe the church must begin to embrace these talking topics not from a preaching point of view but with a view to healing, understanding and educating. 

The play certainly gives plenty to think about. 

My colleague and I spoke after the show and we decided that attitudes definitely needed changing within the church. Sexual shame  needs to be addressed as many do not speak about their pain or personal challenges, but wear a mask. The mask is necessary if they wanted to be accepted.

I had a client who had lived a previous lesbian lifestyle and, although receiving counselling, was told to keep it quiet so people wouldn't treat her differently.  Think how powerful a testimony she actually has!  SMH.......

The conversation needs to be had and judging by the amount of people attending this Play, and the fact that Tonya has been asked to take it to the USA, people want to engage.  The silence must be stopped.

If you can see this play do go ahead.  Get tickets for the play here.  Be prepared for a hard hitting, adult conversation, with no holds barred!

Hear our conversation here

Patricia Benjamin 
Relationship and Life Coach
BEFFTA Best Radio Personality 
Christian Women in Media Intl UK
www.ruachradio.com
www.highlyfabulousconsulting.com

No Limit to What I Can Do!

I'm super excited. 

I'm about to do something I've wanted to do for a long time.

Become a published author.

My writings have been published over the years for different publications but a book, well that's a whole new ball game.

Two years ago, I was in the Caribbean, sitting outside on my parents' veranda and talking  with my mother about my plans, and all the things I wanted to write about, and the various book titles I had in my heart.

During which she told me something she had never told me before.

It was about my junior school teacher, Mr Peter Lucas, of Grove Vale School, East Dulwich, London  (I loved that teacher, he taught us like he cared about us) and something  he told her at a Parents Evening.

It was these words

"Patricia has all the signs of a writer".

I was only 9 years old when I was in his class.

Do you know something, hearing mum say that did something for me. It really did. It meant something. It further affirmed me as a bona fide writer. It gave me confidence to step into my dream. To walk deeper in my purpose.

We often display our true selves, our gifts, talents and abilities in a much more natural way when we are young.  Before the critical factor sets in. Before we start listening to other people who tell us "you can't do that". Or "I don't think you could be that".

Why do we invest so much in other people's negativity towards us?

I remember a class mate telling me she didn't think I would be able to complete a piece of English comprehension homework as I wasn't good enough. Well of course you know I not only completed it but got an A. Please.........! I remember it well.

Sometimes my life coaching clients  tell me that they don't know what they want to do with their lives.  Very many of these are in their 40s. I often tell them to cast their minds back to the things they used to enjoy doing when they were young.

We often overlook the things that we do easily and naturally and feel that 'anyone could do it' or 'it's nothing special'. But it is something special. And no, anyone couldn't do it. Especially not like you.

So recognise today there is really no limit to what you can do except the boundaries you allow to be in place.

@Patricia Benjamin • Author • 7 Habits of Highly Fabulous Women • 2015

Life and Relationship Coach
Highly Fabulous Consulting
BEFFTA Best Radio Personality
Sound Women 200 List
Christian Women In Media International
Top 100 Most Influential Black People on Social/Digital Media List
UK C.O.O Making it Happen

Church Flow on the Real Love Show

This week we had a pretty sparkling debate on church flow, for christian women.

Special guest, renowned gospel artist Watchman Williams, stated publicly that "christian women were out of touch when it came to fashion, their conversation and dating".

Listen to the show here Real Love Show with guest Dr Watchman Williams

As you can guess there was plenty of outrage among the sisters and Dr Williams was brought to task.

However I'd like to add a few things.

While there may be some women who are less concerned with fashion and with staying up on the latest trends, there are plenty of sisters who look the part and not just on a Sunday.  They have more than church flow going on Sunday morning, they stay in the flow. With style.

But these ladies, as stylish as they are, do not always get a look in from the brothers and still remain single. I spoke to a DJ the other day who was talking about  a church boat cruise he'd just been on that weekend.  He admitted the ladies had looked very good. No complaints. On asking whether or not he had approached any of these ladies he confessed he hadn't. I would like to know why. I'm pretty sure he was one of many guys who didn't approach.

The ladies did their part so when will the men  do theirs?  I've heard it said that they fear rejection. Isn't rejection part of life?  Do we not all experience rejections on the path to our yes? There are no guarantees.  Things are not handed to you on a plate.

Our guest also made a point that church ladies need to have more to their conversation than Jesus but needed to be able to talk about Adidas too. Point taken.

I was told some years ago by a very wise lady that my husband didn't always want to see me in the Bible at all times. Sometimes he'd like to see me ........in less. Point taken. Whilst the spiritual side of things is imperative the human and physical side must be catered to, equally.  Otherwise things can become very unbalanced.

But how far do we go?  Whilst many of us can take this on board we may want to learn a lesson from Meagan Good who definitely understands this dynamic  but she may wish to exercise due appropriateness next time!

A friend of mine told me the other week that her husband used to be no fun and life with him not at all enjoyable. Yet this man is a well respected minister and deservedly so. But what's lacking is the human component. We have to take care of all our partner's needs. Sometimes girls just wanna have fun. She has told me though in latter months he has begun to change and is much more relaxed.

As christian women we can't be one sided.  We need to look good for our partners and take genuine interest in their lives outside of church matters. Be interested in their careers, in their hobbies and their goals in life.

Listen to the show here Real Love Show with Dr Watchman Williams

All this goes both ways. The brothers need to do the same for their wives too. It's a two way street. 

Patricia Benjamin 

Life and Relationship Coach 

BEFFTA Best Radio Personality 

Sound Women 200 List 

Christian Women in Media International 

Top 100 Most Influential Black People in Digital  /Social Media 

UK Chief Operating Officer Making it Happen

Failed Expectations

It's so easy for me  to feel let down by friends or brethren that I  feel did not meet or measure up to my expectations. They didn't  meet my needs. So here I am left feeling hurt, disappointed or even betrayed.

The real problem though is me.

I can't control other people's behaviour.  But I can control my own.

The truth was I never stated my expectation.  I didn't state what I needed.

Maybe I felt that if they were really my friends they would just know. Whereas truth be told, I've been married over 3 decades and I still need to be told.  I cannot read my husband's mind.  Neither can he read mine.

This is why its always said communication is the key to all successful relationships. Not just when it comes to marriage.

If I don't say clearly what's in my mind, can I really be upset when my friend doesn't "just know" what I really want deep down?

I must admit I used to be very high maintenance when it came to friendships. I would expect understanding. I would expect loyalty.  I would expect support. I would expect acceptance.

These may not seem that unreasonable but I would expect it at all times. I've come to realise that one person cannot meet all my friendship needs.

I recognise that's too heavy a demand. Especially when that person has their own life to live and may be facing their own pressures.

Did it mean they were not a good friend because they could not put in an unfailing stint every time I needed to talk? 

The answer is no.

Now I see so clearly that true friends give you the best that they are able. When I demand still more that is me being a drain on them when they don't have it to give.

So what's the answer here. What do I do? How do my needs and expectations become realised? Easy. I have a myriad of beautiful people in my life. All special.  All blessed. All anointed. All gifted. I have to learn who has the gift for my current situation.

2 years ago I went through a terrible time personally that I would not wish upon anyone. My whole world felt upside down and no ground was sure beneath my feet. But one friend that I opened up to helped me and comforted me spiritually,  practically and materially.  Every morning, early ,  my phone would ring and it would be her. She was an amazing rock.  I had another friend that as soon as she heard she gave practical help within the hour.

Did this mean my other friends were not there for me? Of course not. And they all supported me in their own way which was truly greatly appreciated.

Sometimes it may not be all that deep, I may need someone to spend some recreational time with and talk about my creative ideas for business and ministry. I have friends who lunch and pray with me. It's all good.

When I need my eyebrows threaded I have trendy fashionista friends who can point me in the right direction and meet up with me after for smoothies and cupcakes.  It's all good.

And it's two way. I will be there to encourage and pray for anyone at anytime. I don't mean polite prayers either. I mean prayers that get the job done. We stay there til its done. I'll talk with you for ages on the phone if that's the need.

But if I  don't have it to give you because I'm in recovery myself you may need to seek another person. When you're in recovery you don't have anything left over to pour into someone else. But believe me when I'm fully recovered it's a different story.

If we have expectations of others that are not being met and we feel that they don't really care or that they don't really respect us or we feel we don't matter to them; Let me say, "that's a lie from the pit of hell" designed to fracture and break your friendship.

Friendship is next to fellowship.  Never withdraw from the herd. You may think you don't need the herd but let me tell you that you do. The lone deer that has wandered away is an open target for the hungry (roaring) lion (who is seeking to devour). The isolating of ourselves from everyone else is not empowering.  No one succeeds on their own. That's a simple fact. Even Jesus being who he was had 12 who worked with him.  And then he sent them out 2 by 2.

Don't allow powerful bonds and strong alliances to break due to failed expectations.

Instead pull up the deep roots of unforgiveness that leads to bitterness and anger so that you can be at peace in your own mind and spirit.

Then you can ask what you will and it will be done. Then  your prayer will be answered.  We can't get forgiveness until we give forgiveness. We do not want our prayers to be hindered.

Patricia Benjamin
Life and Relationship Coach
BEFFTA Best Radio Personality
Sound Women 200 List
Christian Women in Media International
Top 100 Most Influential Black People in Digital /Social Media

Celebrating Success! #Woman4Africa

I've been to quite a few award ceremonies this year and have had a great time at them all.

From being six degrees away from Idris Elba, meeting popular soap stars, including Ellen Thomas (EastEnders), Chizzy Akudolu (Holby), Noel Clarke (Kidulthood), football stars Fabrice Muamba, other media personalities, dining alongside award winning film actors, producers and directors, it would still not be hyperbole to say attending Women 4 Africa's 4th Annual Award is a strong contender for my top pick.

It was vibrant with African fashion and colour, afro beats and dance, side splitting comedy, poetry that came from the heart and amazing, highly accomplished women.  I felt honoured to be amongst them.

I can't tell you how alive the room felt, pulsating with compassion, with joy in the achievement of other women and hope and belief in creating a powerful future. There really was a strong sense of sisterhood. Genuine pleasure in celebrating the victories of other women. Saying I was inspired is just not enough.

I feel very proud to have shared the same platform in the past through  radio with the host of the event Tola Onigbanjo alongside her husband Sam. A better partnering you couldn't hope to meet.

Thank you for the kind invitation to attend Tola.

Many many women were recognised and honoured and it must truly have been a tough decision for the judges as the calibre was so high. All those ladies were real winners whether called to the stage or not

A couple to mention are:-

Funke Abimbola who is Managing Counsel for Roche pharmaceutical operations in the UK and a regular lecturer at universities and conference;

Susan Edjang  from Equatorial Guinea,  a global health and policy expert serving in the UN for the Secretary General;

Ifrah Ahmed from Somalia, a committed and highly motivated social and community worker in such organisations as UNICEF, Amnesty International

But the full list will be found at www.women4africa.com - check it out.

Women 4 Africa Official Short Video

In a time when mediocrity is often rewarded and fame is achieved by extremely questionable behaviour, I am so delighted that Women 4 Africa exists. We don't pursue our passions for awards instead its usually to fulfil that inner drive and our raison d'etre, but it is truly right that recognition is given.

These women who shine their lights so brightly and unashamedly give us all permission to shine our own. 

I'm encouraged to do so and I hope you will be.

However, no matter how much we laud these ladies never compare yourself to them or even believe you are in competition with them. You are only competing with yourself. To be better. To do better.  To grow.  To keep evolving.  Don't be tempted to stay where you're comfortable or where others are comfortable with you.

Be inspired and encouraged by these women but know that only you can achieve your mission in life. No one can do what you do in the way you can. You have your tribe to reach. You have your people to influence and you have all you need to make it happen.

Give it your all. Give it your 100%

Big Congratulations Sam and Tola Onigbanjo.  You are a winning team. Go on to dominate in your field. Thank you for showing us how its done as you keep recognising and honouring others who are doing the same.

Patricia Benjamin
Life and Relationship Coach
BEFFTA Best Radio Personality
Sound Women 200 List
Christian Women in Media International
Top 100 Most Influential Black People in Digital /Social Media