Wednesday, 21 October 2015

Forgiveness - Easier Said Than Done

On waking this morning I had this thought:

Forgiveness comes up so many times when it comes to achieving personal freedom and inner healing.

Sometimes that forgiveness seems the hardest thing to do. How do you forgive someone who has hurt you time and time again. How do you forgive an abuser? How do you forgive the one who broke your heart
Yet we find its the precursor to begin living again and indeed loving again.

I thought I would share some points to bear in mind once we realise that the next step in our journey to wholeness and inner joy is the forgiveness process. I did say process because that's exactly what it is.

First remember by forgiving we are not saying their behaviour was ok; neither does it mean they get away scott-free or that you've given up your rights.  Not at all.

What it does mean is that you are going to step out of the way and leave them to God who knows the heart of all men. It also means you no longer bear that weight you were carrying around. It gets you out of the prison of torment that you've been in, especially as you recall and revisit in your mind the way they hurt you. It also removes you from being their judge.

When someone decides to stay in unforgiveness they need to understand that this merely damages themselves. It hurts only them. They are the ones living with bitterness, anger, even hatred.  

This actually poisons you emotionally and then physically.  Your body will store that emotion in your organs and can lead to dis-ease.  Doctors tell us that these types of emotions stored in the body are many times what is  behind such sicknesses as growths, tumours, cancers, arthritis.  So forgiveness is powerful.  We see why it leads to inner healing and personal freedom.

Take a quiet moment and bring to mind that person who hurt you. As you picture them in your mind actually say clearly that you forgive them and say what you forgive them for.

Next tell them you release them and you cut and sever the emotional and soul ties that bound you to them.

Ask God to give you his peace.

Don't doubt the effect of what you've just done.  Just speaking these words with feeling is enough. Remember words are real. They carry the spirit in which they were uttered. Scriptures tell us that life and death is in the power of the tongue. Your words will work.

Important.  It doesn't now mean you carry on with a toxic or otherwise unhealthy relationship.  It's fine to forgive and release and leave it there. Move on with your life.

Remember I said a little earlier that it's a process.  Sometimes we may experience feelings of hurt or we recall something that was said, or something happens that triggers the memory, if you feel sorrow or hurt or anger that doesn't mean you haven't  forgiven. But what you can do is repeat the process but specifically address this issue that has raised it head and include that in your forgiveness declaration/prayer.

On a recent episode of the Real Love Show we speak to a young woman who was physically abused while growing up by her mother and she tells us that forgiveness was integral to her gaining the freedom she now enjoys -  listen in here

If you want more personal help and you would like someone to work with you personally as your coach, please email me at and I will respond.  Do visit me at   and find out more.

Patricia Benjamin
Life and Relationship Coach
BEFFTA Best Radio Personality
Sound Women 200
Christian Women in Media
Highly Fabulous Consulting