How were the holidays for you? With it being the break up season, some of you may have experienced a break up in your relationship, or some kind of family drama, or turmoil. Why is it that at a time when there's meant to be peace on earth and plenty of goodwill to all men, it often turns out to be something very different!
There is a lot of expectation for the day, often family members have not crossed paths very much throughout the year and on this day expect everything to run smooth, sometimes there are blended family issues with deciding where children will spend the day, not an easy one. Sometimes there are difficult in-laws to contend with.
A friend told of visiting her mother in law on Christmas day with her husband and their 2 small children, only to be left completely by herself after dinner, as his mother whisked him away upstairs to conduct a private conversation for several hours. Not really in the spirit of things really is it.......
One of my clients told me of her father, who's quite fond of a drop of whisky, and he would become very inebriated and then spoil the evening for everyone else. Happy Christmas not.....
This week on the Real Love Show we spoke about those who had experienced being dumped. Sometimes it came out of the blue and in others it was expected. I recall one of my friends decided, while Christmas was only weeks away, that she would have to give her boyfriend the old heave-ho but wanted to wait until Christmas was over as he had promised her a computer as a present! A bit naughty.....
Apparently, when she gave him the news, he said he had felt it coming. Very often when we say it was out of the blue, we have willfully ignored the signs.
A guest on the show shared a somewhat amusing story of The Green Tie. Apparently he and his girlfriend often exchanged several gifts but on this day, there was just the one. A Green Tie. Kipper style. Plus, she actually worked in a tie shop. So she did not work very hard to choose that present. So the breakup that came mere days later was expected. He laughs now, but notes that she did much better in the gift exchange that year as he had bought generously. Hear the Real Love Show here
My special guest was Relationship Adviser and blogger, Natalie Lue, who gave plenty of advice on moving on after breakups. One of the most important ones was not to try to convince your ex of their big mistake. Begging is not a good look. You will lose their respect. Don't keep checking up on them and what they're up do via their via social media. Don't try to be "just friends". I mean, how do you go from being in an intimate relationship with someone to a platonic friendship, it just doesn't work like that. Natalie calls it the No Contact Rule.
In order to get on with your life, its important to give yourself space and time. Do not hold with the theory that the best way to get over an old love is to to get under a new one. BIG MISTAKE. You are not built that way. You need to re-discover yourself afresh. Don't be the kind of person who only feels validated if you are in relationship. Let your body physically get over your ex. Don't get intimate with them, this will not help them to get back together with you. This will not help with keeping your respect and integrity.
Take time for you at this time. Being single is much better than being with someone who doesn't really want to be with you. You will love again.
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