Tuesday, 4 February 2014

Take Control of your Life - here's how.

You can be more successful in life but only if you take action!
This month's blog is comparatively shorter than January's but still has heavy content. My aim is to help you get things done and to make your life clutter-free. Once your life is cleared of all the clutter, it becomes easier to control.
The more the control, the more motivated you feel.
De-clutter your life and improve your motivation!
Many people carry around with them a lot of excess ‘luggage’ or ‘clutter’.
The emotional tensions and regrets make up a major part of this clutter. The ‘if only’s and ‘why this happened’s along with ‘could have’s  could be plenty.  
Do away with this excess baggage!
Consider this incident in Janice and Paul’s life.
Jan and Paul were soul mates. One day, they had an argument over something and they stopped speaking to each other. Not only that, they started living separately. Within a month, both missed the companionship of the other, and regretted the break up. However, both waited for the other to make the first move to start over again. It never happened. They drifted apart, but the feeling of regret stayed with them. Each confessed to mutual friends that it has affected their lives.

I hate hearing things like that. It's so unnecessary and speaks of an unwillingness to admit you may have been wrong.  Even if you are, it's not the end of the world. And isn't a loving happy relationship worth overcoming your pride for?

I see people old and lonely because they always have to be right. Well, newsflash!!! No one is right all the time. What's the harm in a simple apology? Or giving a peace offering? Or just making the first move? Someone has to step up!
What was the purpose? Either you make a move to do something about the incomplete situations you face in life or find a closure. Nursing and feeding your regrets and making a mental list of ‘should have’s gets you down and more down. And finding someone else to blame does nothing to help you. It just keeps you stuck where you are. By yourself.
You ought to struggle free, but you don’t.
Now, why not take a good look at yourself.
Are you like this?
Do you have a mental list of ‘if only’s and ‘should have’s cropping up every now and then?
Be honest with yourself. Because if you are like this, your confidence and motivation have probably been suffering.
The approach.
So now, what do you have to do?
Get rid of this useless burden, that’s what!
Begin with answering a series of questions and completing the following exercise:
What we are going to do is ‘complete’ certain tasks, draw a line under them and move on.
This is also known as ‘psychological completion’ or merely ‘completion’.
So coming up next is a series of questions that you could take to answering in one sitting or over a couple of hours or days. You can make the process formal by jotting down the answers rather than making a mental note of them.
Go ahead. Watch your confidence and motivation soar!
1. Putting up with….
• List out 10 things that you are putting up with at home
• List out 10 things that you are putting up with at work
• List out 10 things that you are putting up with, in your love life
• List out 10 things that you are putting up with, in any other area of your life, friendships etc

• Create an action plan to weed out/ communicate these things that you have been putting up with
2. Unfinished matters…
• List out all the things in your life that you feel are unresolved/unfinished
• Create an action plan meant to reduce this number
• Do you need to clear the air with anyone? If so, just do it! Life is too short!
• Is there someone you are supposed to call or keep in touch with but failed to find time for? If yes, do it. Call them or send an email to them right away!
• Let go of as many ‘coulds, woulds, shoulds, maybes and oughts’ from your life as you can.
3. Your standards…..
• Write down the standards that you have always told yourself to try matching. Now let go of them and create a new list. These should be the standards that you are going to have in your life from this day onwards.

• List out the names of 5 people that you admire the most and identify their qualities, their behavior and their way of life.  What is it you admire about them? What standards do they have? What are the standards that you could set for yourself, in order to be more like them?  

• Remember, the standards set by others for themselves will be different from yours. Think of any 5 friends or colleagues. What standards have they set for themselves? How are they different from yours?
Did you know that you had such a long list subconsciously and without your being aware of it eating away your inner strengths?
How difficult it would be to move forward when you had so many thoughts holding you back?
These exercises will help you focus on the here, the now and the future of your life.
You will now be able to break free from the clutch of those things that have been unnecessarily holding your attention. Leave behind all those things that knock your motivation. Just let go of them! It's 2014 - if you want a different result you have to do things differently to the way you did them before. 
Now there is a lot for you to do this time, isn’t there!
Lose no time….
Better make a start!

See you back here next month for more life coaching!

Patricia Benjamin
Life Coach
Love & Relationship Coach
Radio Talk-Show Host
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